An Essay on the D Word
by Coffeemecrazy
Summary: I guess my love would be what you call unrequited. Shame on me, right? Luke/Ruby.
1. Demons

Disclaimer: Okay, so this is a sort of homage – the essay style that is – to a story over on fictionpress dot com, called ...sod it. I don't know. I can't find it, and believe me, I've tried. It's very popular. Anyway, the idea isn't mine, I'll admit that :). And obviously I don't own demons.

And my story begins just as the series ends (anyone else bummed at the lack of Luke/Ruby?!?).

**1. Demons.  
**  
So, Mrs Cohen, you told us to write an essay on an usual event in our lives and to link it to one of the topics you've taught us about. Really? Really? You really think that this is going to prepare us for the big bad world out there? Because let me tell you something, psychology has taught me diddly squat about life out there in the real world.

For example, if I were to tell you that out there, in the 'real world' were scary weird evil things that wanted to take over the world, you'd sit me down and psychoanalyse me, right? See, this is why I can't ever hand in this essay. Because you won't believe me. Because the 'd' word is driving me insane. Well, it's not exactly the 'd' word. Just mainly the effects of the 'd' word. You see, I can't even answer the question. There's a reason this essay won't ever see the light of day...a reasonable one. I swear.

The thing is, I did a bad thing. I fell in love with my best friend. And no, before you ask, he's nothing like my father. Freud was wrong. I love him for reasons I can't explain, for explanations that elude even me. He told me he didn't trust me, and I still love him. It's a mystery why I do what I do.

I guess my love would be what you call unrequited. Shame on me, right?

_**"I love you, not only for what you are, But for what I am when I am with you." - Roy Croft.**_

"Hey Ruby." The wind was cold, but I was here anyway, Starbucks coffee in one hand, the other tucked into my pocket. He knew I'd be here. I was always here, waiting for him. The last time I'd been here, we'd had an argument. The time before that had been the same. It was a pattern that had seemed to emerge lately; we'd argue, and then meet here and make up.

"Hey." I didn't turn my head, because I could smell him, smell his shower gel, the scent of fresh woods and citrus. He was sorry, I could tell, because he was here.

Here was at the edge of the pier, a secluded place that few visited because it was so far. Like an oasis in the middle of this huge, lonely city. A place that I loved, because it was one of those illusive treasures, one of those places where time stopped and life - and it's problems - ceased to exist. Luke took a breath, breathing in the fresh air and glorious scenery."So, my dad was a bastard." Understatement of the year.

I didn't want to smile, but I did. "Aren't they all?"

"I suppose you'll want to analyse me now." I thought about it, Mrs Cohen, I did. It was the psychology student in me, but I refrained.

"No. I'll leave that to the experts. I'm sure you've years of analyse-worthy information stored up. You'll make some shrink very rich indeed." He chuckled, sitting next to me, his knee brushing mine, our jeans between our bare skin.

I leaned back on the railing, the bars digging into my thighs dully. He was silent, rubbing one hand through his hair; they way he always did when he didn't quite know what to do.

I bumped his shoulder. "You okay?"

His eyes locked with mine, and I wanted to save him. Always had. "Yeah." He exhaled. "Just about."

"Well," I took a careful sip of the coffee. "At least those nightmares have stopped."

His smile was wry. He no longer had nightmares about his father dying. I think we can call that progress, Mrs Cohen, can't we? "Yeah."

He was a boy of few words. It was okay; I talk enough for the both of us. "Any news on Mina?" Not that I cared. Mina was...an unusual acquaintance, and currently missing.

He shrugged. "Galvin knows."

Ah, Galvin. I had been wondering when he'd bring him up. "And how's Galvin?"

I hadn't seen him in days, just like I hadn't seen Luke in days. Another 'job'. The wicked never rested, and therefore, neither did Luke. "Oh, you know business as usual. Grade 'em and smite 'em." His impression of Rupert - gruff American accent and all - was awful.

I giggled, and he smiled, pretty blue's crinkling at the corners as my mouth curved upwards. "That's awful."

His smile grew wider. "I know."

I loved him like this, carefree and happy. He was rarely like this, because he was the last Van Helsing. Because he had a job, a legacy to live up to. If it hadn't been for the 'd' word, then he could have been normal. Just one boy, with the mum and the dad and the mundane life he craved. But, I knew he could never be normal, that he could never lead a normal life and I accepted that, because to me, he was extraordinary. And that was so much better than a boring normal. Because of him, I'd seen things, felt things that I could never forget. My life had been turned upside down because of that one 'd' word. And for that, Luke would never forgive himself.

He was eyeing my coffee. "Is it still hot?" His breath came out in puffs of smoky white.

"What this?" I held the coffee cup out of his reach. "Maybe."

He was smiling, leaning closer. "No. You are not that evil. I know you."

I giggled, the coffee cup out of his reach, as I stretched and stretched. "Ah, but do you? Maybe I am that evil, Van Helsing."

He was leaning on me now, one hand clutching the railing and one hand grasping the sleeve of my leather jacket. He radiated warmth and freedom and all things good. "Oh, no. No. No, you don't."

He'd obtained my coffee triumphantly, leaning back on the railings as he gulped down his stolen prize. "Ahh." His lips smacked, savouring my coffee.

I pouted. "And I'm the evil one?"

He smiled, pretty blue's glinting. How could I resist? "Maybe."

His phone rang then, and I knew that ringtone. Maxwell Murder. That meant only one thing. Luke sighed, hair flopping into his eyes. "I have to go."

I smiled, "Yeah, yeah of course." He had a job to do. I knew that, I accepted that. But that didn't mean I didn't want him safe and in one piece. "Need any help?"

"Er, no, it's fine." He smiled apologetically, hopping off the railings and holding out a hand to me. I took it, hopping off the railings too. "I'll give you a lift home." And just like that, we were back to almost normal. I'd always forgive him; he knew that.

"Show off." I nudged him again gently, just for the contact and just to show him I wasn't mad that he was blowing me off to save the world.

He smiled, unlocking the car. That look was back. The broody, tortured look. You said to write about our lives, right Mrs Cohen? You want to know what I've learnt? Well, if it weren't for the demons, then I think my friend Luke would have been a very happy boy indeed.

Remember when you told us that everyone is subject to life events, and that no one walks away unaffected? Well, I think Luke has demons of his own. And I don't just mean the scary parrot look alike's or the creepy clowns. I mean big demons. Like doubt and fear and those gremlins that all of us who aren't the last Van Helsing's have. You are your own worst enemy, right? And that, that kind of sucks, because with all these demons, I'm lost. Swamped in the middle of these creatures, contending for a place in his life.

Now Mrs Cohen, tell me I don't have demons of my own.


	2. Denial

**2. Denial**

_"Good morning heartache,  
You're like an old friend,  
Come and see me again."  
- Old Friend, '...And Out Came the Wolves', Rancid._

Galvin was smug. More so than usual. It was annoying, mainly because I hadn't had my morning cup of coffee but also because it was too damn early.

"I suppose you had a late night?" He was taking advantage of the fact that I was in no fit state to talk. "Well, it's no use being tired. You're no use to me." I could just about summon enough energy for an eye roll behind my drooping lids.

"Where's lover boy?" His accent was grating at six o' clock in the morning.

"I don't know." I ignored the jibe, cradling my head on the table. "Maybe he's sleeping. You know, sleeping? Like what normal people do?"

He plonked down a cup of coffee in front of me. One sugar, no milk. "No need to get your knickers in a twist." Cue the smug smile.

I grimaced, accepting the coffee. I was about to retort with a very smart 'my knickers are of no concern of yours' when wonder boy himself bursts in.

"Well," his collar was popped, just about the only habit of his I disliked, "I'm here. What's the problem?" He'd just taken a shower, I could tell - his hair was wet.

Galvin ignored the signs of Luke putting vanity ahead of saving the world. "Half life causing chaos in the woods. Simple job. In and out."

I sniggered. I imagined that told me a lot about Galvin's style. Luke looked at me biting his lip. Great minds thought alike.

"What so funny?" Galvin was not amused. Then again, very few things amuse Galvin, Mrs Cohen. Except fighting demons. I imagine that turns him on. Yeah, you're right Mrs Cohen. That is a disgusting image.

"Nothing." Luke and I smothered our smiles.

"So, let's go." He threw Luke his gun, and grabbed his own. I remained seated, coffee still in my hand.

"Well?" Galvin looked at me expectantly.

I frowned, looking between the two. Luke was just as clueless as I was. "Well, what?" My coffee was slowly kicking in - a simple job. Grade 'em and smite 'em. I didn't grade and I certainly didn't have the stamina - or shoes - for smiting. "What do you need me for?"

Galvin's grin was too happy. Much too happy, I tell you Mrs Cohen. "Bait."

It did not sound good, and it was not. "So, tell me again why this is a good idea?" my feet were hurting – pretty heels kind of did that to you. We were in the middle of nowhere, in the woods on another 'job'.

Galvin chewed on a piece of gum. "Because this half life goes after female victims. And I'm not female." He'd forgotten one tiny detail.

"Luke could pass as a girl." I grumbled.

"Hey!" He was at my elbow, offended.

"Well, you do spend longer in the bathroom than me." It was true. I was a frequent visitor to his house; I'd seen his vast array of products.

"Well, sorry if I..." Galvin shushed us.

"One more word," he drawled, "and I'll make you both bait."

Luke was not happy. I smiled, triumphant. Even sulking, he really was very pretty. We'd dressed him up as a girl once, his mother and I, just to see how he looked. We still had the pictures. They were great. Blackmail-worthy stuff.

"Not one word." Luke muttered into my ear, lips brushing against my lobe. "Not one word about that tutu." The tingles were in my spine, shooting downwards to my knees so they were ever so slightly weak.

I laughed, imitating zipping my lips and throwing away the key. "My lips are sealed."

He raised an eyebrow, and I smiled some more. He wasn't inclined to believe me, but then again, he couldn't be inclined to believe anyone. Luke was past denial, past pretending that the weight of the world didn't rest on his shoulders. And I was in denial, half in love, half not in love with my best friend. What a pair we were.

"Come on girls." Galvin was way ahead of us, his leather shoes crunching the leaves beneath his size tens. "Keep up."

We were heading deeper into the woods, Galvin hissing the aims of this mission under his breath to Luke. I was kept out of the loop, a common occurrence. If I said I was used to it, that it didn't bother me, I would have been lying. The 'd' word was very much prevalent here. Luke had this whole other life that I didn't know, a whole life that I didn't understand. This new life, this new person was very much who he was nowadays, something he was heavily involved in, consumed by. If I were to tell you that I could ever fully belong in this new world of his Mrs Cohen, you would have said I was in denial. And I would have agreed.


	3. Danger

**3. Danger.**

If I were to tell you that I'd just been made a damsel in distress, sort of willingly, you'd have me committed, wouldn't you Mrs Cohen? You would. Oh. Well, that's exactly what I did.

_"It is one thing to be in the proximity of death, to know more or less what she is, and it is quite another thing to seek her."  
- Ernest Hemingway._

"So tell me again what we're looking for?"

Galvin was about as useful as he usually was. "Shut up and look distressed. It'll come to you, not the other way around."

I begged to differ. Hadn't we just walked right into a trap? And why did I have to be bait? I wasn't just some ordinary girl with amazing persistence. I was Ruby, I'd saved their lives and I'd –

"Lost?" Oh God. I was terrified, rooted to the spot and all because a freak – right out of Hansel and Gretel – was breathing down my neck.

Where was Galvin and his trigger happy finger when you needed it? "I, erm, no, I'm fine. Thanks." My breath was coming out in short, sharp pants. Panic.

She laughed, her breath hitting me hard. Ew. It would have been too much to ask for a demon that knew how to use a toothbrush, wouldn't it, Mrs Cohen? "So polite. Tell me, little girl, how do you feel about dinner?" Teeth, all rotten and needing dental assistance, pronto, gleamed at me.

Was there any answer to that that wasn't going to get me eaten? "Erm, I'm not...I'm not hungry. Thanks."

The freak laughed, and then froze as a twig snapped. He head tilted, the dull hue of her skin flushing with excitement at the prospect of a feast rather than a snack. "You brought friends."

Luke jumped out of a tree, like the show off he was. "Yeah, that's right." His gun was pointing at her, the red laser coming into focus right between her eyes. "She's got friends."

The freak's smile grew as she saw him. And then promptly faltered as she caught sight of Galvin. "You!"

He was unapologetic and apparently, rather famous in these parts. "Me. Now, let the girl go before I smite thee."

The freak laughed. "Smite thee! How old fashioned."

"You're one to talk about old."

I sense that he had touched a sore point, as her surprisingly strong grip closed my windpipe. "Galvin. Less antagonising." I wheezed.

The freak laughed again. "Listen to the girl." Luke was focused on the freak, his gun trained on her as she shifted from foot to foot. "She's clever." Her head titled as she analysed me, and then surprisingly leant her head against my ribcage. "Big heart." She licked her lips.

Oh God. A freak that had designs on my internal organs. What were they waiting for? "Shoot already!" I croaked, as the world flickered before my eyes. Lack of oxygen – so I had heard – was not a good thing.

Luke moved forward, to get a better shot, but Galvin stopped him. "Let her go." He addressed the freak. She did not move and there we were, Mrs Cohen, stuck at a stalemate.

We'd been here before. Ruby or demon. Demon or Ruby. I closed my eyes, bracing myself for the sharp pain that would come before the blackness. I never felt it.

A few metres away, Galvin was muttering furiously to Luke. "Grade five. Too clever to be on its own. Pawn." I snatched words from his rapid monologue.

Beside him, Luke's brow was furrowing, his jaw tense. "She can't breathe." He was muttering back. "She can't breathe. Fuck the pawn."

I appreciated that he noticed I was turning blue. My hands were around the freak's, trying to pry her fingers away from my neck, something, anything to be rid of this iron strong grip.

"Wicked freak, I call upon thee." Seriously, this was not the time for Galvin to be antagonising the crazy lady with the superhuman strength. "Let her go and I'll cut you a deal."

He'd been watching too many cop shows. Next to him, Luke was stoic. The freak loosened her grip and I gasped, air rushing into my lungs. Her head was still tilted. She was listening.

"Top the offer I have, and I'll let her go."

Galvin's demon-dar perked up. Beep, beep, BEEP, BEEP, BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP. "Terms?"

"Protection." It did not take a genius to work out that the person she was working for was crazy powerful. "And a little donation." I had a nasty feeling, Mrs Cohen, that I was the donation.

Luke was under that impression too. "No. No. Your life or nothing." He jabbed his gun to make his point clear. I wasn't sure it helped.

Galvin added his two American cents, because he could not resist. "And a little information."

As the words left his lips, the freak barked, a chesty laugh right out of one of those old movies. It was cold now, really cold. The wind whipped right through my jacket and chilled me to the bone. She was gleeful, and the hope died in my stomach. Her grip tightened again. "I'd say you weren't in a position to bargain, wouldn't you?"

The wind was colder, and much, much more intense. Luke took his eye off the target, for one split second, his face flickering into confusion as our eyes focused on a blurred figure.

"Hello all." Mina. Her fangs glinted, all pearly white as she emerged from the dust. I wondered if she flosses, Mrs Cohen. Maybe I should too.

"Should have know you'd have me kidnapped and eaten, Mina Harker." I drew her attention to me, because she'd been eying Luke. It wasn't jealousy, I swear, Mrs Cohen.

She threw her head back and laughed, having the audacity to treat this all like a little game. Beside me, the freak was quivering in anticipation. "Mina." She was drooling. Gross. "Beautiful Mina." Oh, a suck up too. Great. I'd given up a day of shopping to endure this. If ever there had been a time I needed a time machine, then it was now.

"Mina." Galvin was calm, like it was everyday that a Vampire who was a sort of friend came and wanted to suck one of his hard little workers dry. "Resolved your issues yet?"

Ha! I'd say we'd barely scratched the surface of her issues. Vampire Mina smiled, all seeing eyes on her once upon a time friend. "It depends on what you mean by resolved." Her teeth were out again, sharp and deadly. My heart pounded.

Her eyes were the windows to her soul. She'd been blind for too long, deprived of two little things that I took for granted. Sight. Blood.

She was thirsty, I could see it. We all could.

Luke pointed his gun at her. "I guess we know who the boss is then."

Galvin smiled. "He gets smarter everyday." It was okay. I didn't love Luke for his brains, I loved him for his heart.

"Hmm, I can see that." Mina was closer to me now, the laser pointing at her with every movement she made. It was little comfort. We all knew that it was futile, nothing but a deterrent to a Vampire bitten by Dracula himself. "Hello Ruby." She was acknowledging me.

"Hey. Vampire." I could not help calling it as I saw it.

She smiled again. She was a happy Vampire. Good for her, bad for me. "What do you say about an act of good faith? You make a sacrifice and I'll leave them alone. I can't stop the thirst, I can only control it." Was that really a fair deal, Mrs Cohen? No, no it wasn't. Her breath brushed my neck, her hand replacing the witches as she bared my neck for Luke and Galvin to see. An illicit meal. Food was better when it was forbidden, as any woman on a diet will tell you.

They acted fast. There was one shot, as the freak was smited, turned into dust and then nothing. Nothing but searing pain.

Oh Mina. Mina. What have you done?**  
**


	4. Deathless

**4. Deathless. **

_"I have been astonished that men could die martyrs for their religion -  
I have shudder'd at it.  
I shudder no more.  
I could be martyr'd for my religion  
Love is my religion  
And I could die for that.  
I could die for you."  
- John Keats_

His first love wasn't me, Mrs Cohen. It'd been football, then Playstation and then possibly, maybe that girl Alice. In terms of puppy love, Alice had been The One. And then she turned out to be a harpy bitch. That hadn't worked out, needless to say.

My first love had been ice cream. Then chocolate, and then possibly Luke. Unless you count that Alex from year three. He'd been my boyfriend for all of five minutes, until he forgot and kissed another girl. Luke had beaten him up for that. After Alex, it'd been Luke, and had always been him ever since.

I had never been much of a believer in demons and vampires and all those freaky pointy eared things you see on TV. I'd indulged in the occasional episode of slayer girl kicking ass, but I'd never been a believer. I wasn't sure if I even believed in the afterlife. Actually, I'd never even thought about the afterlife.

Here lies Ruby, dead and gone, because smiting demons went fricking wrong.

Mrs Cohen, is it too late to regret never going to church? Yeah, I thought so.

Luke told me later that I'd lost a lot of blood. He told me that he was sorry, that he should never have brought me there, never have let me go. I told him to not be an idiot. I would have followed him there anyway, he knew that.

I didn't ease his pain, Mrs Cohen.

When I drifted to consciousness, there was sobbing. It was a girl. No, a woman. A really old, young-looking woman. M-something. She was crying. I wondered what she was doing here, why she was sobbing.

"Don't cry," I tried to reach out to her, but someone was holding my hand. His face swam into vision.

Salvation. "Stay with me." The voice echoed. "Ruby, don't go. Stay. Please." I supposed I was this Ruby. And I supposed he was someone I knew. The word sacrifice sprang to mind, and it occurred to me that he was more than an acquaintance. I'd died for him.

My face was being patted. It tickled. "Stop," I tried to say, but I couldn't. "Stop. Tickles." I tried to pry my eyes open, to see this face that I think I loved, but I wasn't sure. The tickles were too distracting.

The tickles became darkness, nothing but darkness and I fell and fell and didn't stop. The sobbing had topped now, replaced with vague blinking lights and beeping machines. My eyes were heavy, as I stopped falling.

And here I was. A grey place. I called it as I saw it. It smelt gray, it looked grey; it was a grey place. "Ruby? Ruby! Ruby!" That face came back, the blue eyes that I knew worried.

I tried to reach out to him, but there were so many of him that I got confused. "Luke?" I turned my head, even though it felt heavy. It turned out to be the right thing to do, Mrs Cohen, as my vision came back into focus. Woah. Vampire girl.

She was holding my hand, her cold one grasping my hot one. She was in black, the colour of mourning. Mrs Cohen, I will not lie. Mina Harker was in my afterlife. It was there and then that I sincerely regretted not going to church.

She was clutching her stick in one hand, dried tears tracing her pale cheeks. Her eyes were staring into the distance, and I knew, Mrs Cohen, I knew that we'd gotten Mina back. She'd cleansed her blood, cleansed the Vampire instincts out of her, but she hadn't cleansed her guilt.

"I'm sorry Ruby."

And because Luke was there, by my side, I found the strength to forgive her. "It's alright. Really." Luke brought out the best in me. Compassion was not something that came easily, but when I was with him, anything was possible.

Mina Harker was not so bad really. She had a killer wardrobe, and well, maybe I could borrow a couple of clothes now that she'd tried to kill me.

Luke was stroking my hair, his fingers untangling the strands as he looked like he'd missed me. "Hey."

I really hoped my breath didn't smell, Mrs Cohen. "Hey."

He hadn't slept. The bags under is eyes told me that. He'd been here a while, because I saw the empty chocolate wrappers and empty plastic cups of coffee. His clothes were wrinkled, and that made me feel warm and fuzzy because I knew he cared. "Your mum's coming. I texted her. She's dropping your brother off at school."

I smiled. "Thanks."

His hand was still idly stroking my hair. "No problem." He wouldn't say it, I know, but had I gone, he would have missed me. The warm and fuzzys came back.

"What does a girl have to do to get a drink around here?" My throat was dry.

"Oh." Luke got up, but Mina, the blind Vamp-no-longer beat him to it. He was still holding my hand, fussing. I sighed in contentment as he plumped up my pillow with his free hand.

I squeezed it tightly. "It's okay Luke. I'm deathless." I smiled at the lame joke, and he forced a laugh.

I suppose it was too soon to joke about something like death. I took the glass of water that Mina offered. She left, silently. Now that I was out of danger, her guilt was somewhat appeased. Galvin needed her in the stacks; he was useless at locating anything without her. I was reminded that life had gone on while I was falling, and that Luke wasn't just my Luke. He was a Van Helsing.

"Do you need to go too?"

I imagined that this look of his was the look of unconditional love, that he'd never want to leave my side. Not now. Especially not now. It's awful being in love, Mrs Cohen, because it makes you selfish. He shook his head, and my shoulders sank in relief.

I liked moments like this, just me and him. He was whispering all the things that had happened while I'd been out for the count. Things like major world events, and which band had played where, and what my darling brat of a brother had been up to. He was cautious, like I would break. I wouldn't. I hadn't even died, hadn't quite made that sacrifice for him. Yet. His magazine was at the edge of my bed, dangling precociously as he talked to me instead.

"What's it like, Ruby?" He couldn't ask Mina, he couldn't ask Galvin, he could only ask me.

I furrowed my brow, trying to remember what it'd been like to have your blood half drained.

"Rubes?" His hand covered mine. "You don't have to tell me."

"It's okay. I want to." He gripped my hand tightly, as he waited for the answer to a question that had been plaguing him for a long time. Every day was a day in which he could die. A day in which he faced monsters, things that I couldn't protect or save him from. He had the right to know what it would be like when he died. I summoned up images of blackness, and one face. One face that was salvation. Luke.

My smiled faltered at the realisation that my love for him was deathless. That was a bad thing Mrs Cohen, a very bad thing.

In the end, I told him I was tired, and that perhaps I'd tell him some other time. Perhaps was the key word there. I wasn't sure I could face up to deathlessness.


	5. Decisions

**5. Decisions.**

Luke likes to think he's a bit of a ladies' man, Mrs Cohen. I think both you and I know he's not. Alice, his first love, once told him that he needed to work on his witty banter. I think that was the only true thing to come out of her lying harpy mouth.

He was distracted, Mrs Cohen. I wasn't so occupied with painting my fingernails aubergine to not notice that. He'd glance at me, then glance at Mina and pout. He thought it was a bad idea, us being in such a close proximity considering a couple of days ago, she'd been a Vampire and I'd been her victim. He was mad at Mina, something that I quite liked. I mean, it was fine, I'd forgiven her, but it would have taken the piss a little had he been perfectly fine with her trying to kill me too. For once, Galvin was forced to be the mediator. It didn't suit him well.

"Are you going to sit there like a kicked puppy or are you going to make up?" Straight for the kill, Galvin went.

Luke's jaw clenched, and I feared for his skin. Frowning would get him wrinkles.

"Well," Mina would never admit she'd been wrong, only that I'd been in the way, "I'm perfectly willing to be civil, Rupert, if that's what you mean."

It took Luke all of five seconds to explode. "You think I'm going to be fucking civil? You tried to kill Ruby!" His outrage was sweet. And misdirected.

"Dude. Chill. It's cool." My hand was on his forearm. His huge, bulging, muscled forearm. Drool.

"No, no it's not." He shook me off, pointing accusingly at me before turning to Galvin to plead his case. "The one thing I have to an almost normal life, and she wanted to take that away from me."

"I understand you're mad." Mina tried. She really did. Don't ever say Vampires are not proud, Mrs Cohen, because they are.

"Like fuck! You understand nothing. Do you know what it's like to be eighteen, eight-fucking-teen and know that any minute now, any minute you could die and that'd be it? That'd be the end of the line, because you're the last fucking Van Helsing! Do you know what it's like to be left by your father? The one who wanted to give you to a fucking bunch of half lives? No, no you don't." He was breaking, and my heart broke as he unravelled before our eyes. "So no, you can't understand."

He left, and didn't come back Mrs Cohen. I wonder if he knew that he'd taken a bit of me with him, the bit that loved him because he was Luke, and my best friend.

Mina coughed awkwardly, and Galvin just turned back to the job in hand. Grading. We lost him to the dark world of despair, Mrs Cohen, the place that had claimed him since he'd lost his wife. It was a place I feared Luke was going too.

My nails had almost dried by now, Mrs Cohen, and I no longer had an excuse to be here, to wait until he'd come back. Mina was reading, her fingers running lightly over the pages, her posture immaculate as ever.

Mrs Cohen, I know what you're thinking. You think that because me and Mina, Mina and I are the only two girls that we'd get along. You're wrong. I don't like her. It's not jealousy, at least not on her part. She just doesn't like me. I suppose I'm annoying. That's fine. I don't like her because she's a part of this world, his world, more than I could ever be. You see, Mrs Cohen, Mina's a Vampire. If you haven't got that already. She's a sort of Vampire, has been for years and years. She knows things, Mrs Cohen, she knows people. She knew John Lenon. Yes, Mrs Cohen, I'm a little jealous. But, only a little.

The real reason why I don't like Mina Harker, Mrs Cohen, is because she doesn't like me. Or a least, that was what I had always thought.

When Galvin left, Mina was quiet. Then again, Mina was usually quiet. She preferred the stacks for company, and I didn't mind silence. "Want some coffee?" I asked, as she buried herself in the corner right at the back.

"No. Thank you." Her response was quiet, almost meek. If I hadn't known better, I would have said she was embarrassed.

"Okay." It was amusing.

She was descending from her step stool, the taps of her heels on the floor echoing. For a blind woman, she moved fast. For a sort of Vampire, she moved slowly. "For the record, I am sorry."

"I know."

There was more. "But off the record, this doesn't change anything."

Thank God. How awkward would that be if I had to be nice to her? The answer, Mrs Cohen, is very awkward. "Fine by me."

"Okay then." She straightened up. "Glad that's sorted."

I tried to repress a smile. "Yeah. Glad that's it." I smothered a giggle. "I'm not laughing. Promise."

Her lips quirked, just a little. "I'll bet." She turned her back on me then, so I couldn't see her face, decipher the meaning of what she said next. "One day Ruby, something will be different. You'll be different. Luke will be different. And one day, he'll fall in love."

My heart thumped. "And when you're gone, I'll be there, slowly putting him back together again. I couldn't do it, Ruby. I couldn't have you on my conscious too." She took a breath and a hollow laugh later, these words left her lips. "I wish I'd killed you that day, just to save you both from the heartache. Luke had to sacrifice his freedom. It doesn't seem fair he should have to sacrifice you too."

I ran out of there, my bag in one hand, a blister on my right foot. Tell me, Mrs Cohen, the appropriate way to react to a confession like that. See, you're clueless too. I walked and walked, my blister now bleeding. It looked like it hurt, but I didn't feel it. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins, my breathing shallow.

He'll fall in love.

The words replayed in my head. I wish. I really did. But, that other stuff? What was that? What had Mina Harker seen? He'd have to sacrifice me?

Big Ben struck, as I walked past and I became acutely aware of the time. The time was ticking, and if Luke thought he was going to sacrifice me, for the sake of some fusty demons with questionable dress sense, then Luke Van Helsing had another thing coming.

I wasn't going be to sacrificed without a fight, and that meant telling him that I was an alien. And that I loved him. I could face being a Martian, rather than not being with him at all.

_"So dear I love him that with him,  
All deaths I could endure.  
Without him, live no life."  
- William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet._

My mind had been made. I was going to tell him on that night, Mrs Cohen, really I was. But what I hadn't accounted for, was Luke himself. While I'd been making my own decisions, he'd been making his own too. He was going to kill Mina Harker. And that, that was the stupidest decision he'd ever made.

-x-

_Okay, so I took a little inspiration from http://mrs harker. livejournal .com/ 1275 , the most amazing Demons one shot I've ever read. I'd recommend you read it, if you haven't already. (Take out the spaces first!)_


	6. Delicious

**6. Delicious.  
**  
_"Thou art to me a delicious torment."  
- Ralph Waldo Emerson._

I broke into his penthouse. Okay, slight exaggeration Ms Cohen, don't call the cops! I used the spare key, the one hidden under the welcome mat. Oops, I probably shouldn't have told you that. Oh well. I'm sure you won't break in Mrs Cohen; you're awesome like that.

It was quiet. His mother was out. Probably having dinner with the girls or taking a yoga class. Something like that. Jenny was cool. Totally clueless, but cool.

"Hey." He was at the kitchen counter, beer in one hand. "Quite a meltdown you had today." I tossed my bag down, perching on the stool.

"Hmm."

"Luke? Are you okay? Do you want to talk?"

He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm fine."

I begged to differ. "Really? Because that outburst back there indicated otherwise." I took a breath, readying myself for the talk that we needed to have. This had been coming for a long time Mrs Cohen, but he'd so busy, taking on job after job, burying himself in work just to avoid it. "I'm worried Luke. I know that it sucks. That your dad was bad. That he did bad things. That it's devastating. But he was a lying, freak loving bastard, and you can talk about it. I'm here Luke, always. Forever. You can talk to me, you know that."

His hand froze in his hair, little tufts between his fingers. His other hand covered mine, his thumb drawing circles on my knuckles. "Thanks, but I'm fine. Really."

I didn't believe him, but I had no choice but to let it lie. I couldn't' force him to talk, just like I couldn't force him to trust me, or love me like I loved him. All I could do was wait. Wait until the day that I was different, and he was different, and wait, hope, pray for that day he'd fall in love. With me.

I was a fool, Mrs Cohen, to think that day was a day that would be the next day. I'd thought that that breezy sunset red night was that day, but Luke was still hurting, still the same old Luke. And this Luke, wouldn't love me. "Rubes, you know that you're my best friend, right?" We'd said nothing all night, just had pizza and gone for a walk.

"Course." I smiled, wondering where he was going with this. I was hopeful, Mrs Cohen. I learnt my lesson.

He gave me a half smile, disappearing into the night. I didn't hear from him for days, Mrs Cohen. No voicemail, no email, no text. Nothing. It was worrying, Mrs Cohen, so I decided to stop by the stacks. And there I found them. Luke and Mina. Mina and Luke. Bad news, Mrs Cohen, very bad news, especially considering that he'd pinned her to the wall with one hand, and a stake – a real live wooden stake – in the other.

Her mouth was flooding with saliva, drool running down one corner of her crimson painted lips. That was not good. Not good at all. "Luke." One hand groped in her pocket, and I knew that that was bad news. The vial. The one that would make her go all Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde on us. Shit.

"Luke." I tried to plead reason with him too.

"No. Stand back Ruby." He was treating me like I was weak. I knew for a fact that I was not. I beat him up when we were nine, Mrs Cohen. I'd done it then, and I could do it again.

"Luke." Galvin was alert, on hand poised inside his jacket. Oh great. Now not only did I have to deal with one potentially insane best friend, one woman verging on the edge of vampirism and humanity, but I also had the added distraction of one trigger-happy American. Mrs Cohen, this world does not deserve me. And I certainly didn't deserve all this crap I had to sort out.

"Luke." I tried again.

He would not die for me. He could not die for me. The weight of the world rested upon his shoulders, and I was inconsequential compared to him. The world needed him to fight their battles, not mine. I appreciated the gesture, and what it meant. I didn't want him to go through with it.

"Luke." Third time lucky.

"What?" His eyes were red. The boy hadn't slept, Mrs Cohen. That was bad. Very bad. Or so I'd heard.

"Why does it have to be like this, Luke?" I didn't hate Mina Harker enough to see her dead. "It wasn't her fault." I thought mentioning the whole I'd-wished-I'd-killed-you thing would just aggravate the matter at hand. "Why does it have to be an eye for an eye?"

Galvin rolled his eyes. "Oh God. Quoting the bible. When will you stupid people ever learn that there is no God?"

I ignored him. Now was not the time to go into a heated debate about religion. "Luke, remember when we were seven, and you told me that there were no such things as monster because Patrick had said that monster ate little girls called Ruby?"

His jaw twitched, and I stepped forward, emboldened. "Remember when we were twelve, and you called me to tell me that Cecilia Harker had snubbed you for Drumell Nye, the greasy guy? Remember that?"

"You told me that you'd glue his shoes to the floor." Luke whispered, his red eyes blinking frantically.

I smiled, my hand on his one. The one holding the wooden stake, Mrs Cohen. It was scary. "And you told me no. Because it wasn't his fault, because when he'd enticed Cecelia Harker, he'd been hormone driven, and wasn't himself." Drumell Nye, the greasy guy had been thirteen and very much a slave to his hormones when he'd gone after Luke's first crush. Back then, Luke had been forgiving and untortured and very much the Luke I wanted back.

He smiled at the memory of simpler days, and I rejoiced. There would be no Vampire slain here tonight, Mrs Cohen.

But, as always, I'd forgotten one little detail, Mrs Cohen. "And you did it anyway. You glued his Doc Martins to the grotty carpet in the reading corner and he cried."

Shit.

Damn Luke and his memory. I froze, my hand still on his arm, waiting for the second he'd plunge it down and hearing Mina's scream follow. I'd try and stop it, but he had more muscle. He'd win. It was inevitable.

Galvin stepped in. "What would be the point, Luke?" He was saying. "So, you'd kill Mina. What then? What would you achieve?"

I nodded. "Exactly. That was my point." It had been, Mrs Cohen, I swear it had been.

It took one second. Galvin - for an old man - wasn't in bad shape, I'd give him that, Mrs Cohen. You'd like him, Mrs Cohen, if he weren't so annoying. Anyway, like I said, it only took one second. One second for Luke to hesitate, and loosen his grip just a little, and –

"Gotcha." Now Galvin had the sharp, pointy stake.

I had every right to be terrified, Mrs Cohen. Galvin was scary and with the added stake, he was scarier.

"Shit." Luke mussed his hair furiously, Mina now out of his choke hold. "Shit." He'd been outmanovered and he knew it.

There would be no staking here tonight. I tucked my hands in my jeans, rocking back and forth on my heels. "So, who wants Chinese? I'll order."

Luke stormed out.

I was mystified. "Well," Galvin was saying as he handed Mina a glass of wine to calm her nerves, "that went rather well, I think."

If he thought that went well, Mrs Cohen, then Galvin lived in a river in Egypt that we could call Denial. I headed straight for the pier.

It was a good guess. "Luke? What was that?" It was rare he tried to kill a friend, so naturally I'd want to know why. This was not the Luke I knew; just a shadow of him.

He turned to me, eyes shiny. "Luke?" I faltered.

His reply was hoarse. "I can't save you Ruby. I can't. Say you forgive me." He was crying now, full on wracking sobs. The sound hurt. "Please." All those months of fighting, training, smiting, grading had caught up. He was tired, and he was alone.

"Hey." His head was buried in my shoulder, and I rubbed his brown locks. "Hey." Dry sobs wracked his body, the knowledge that his father, his own father had given him away. His parting words? I only hope your mother can forgive me. Yeah, Mrs Cohen. I know. I'd watched the tape too.

What about Luke? Had he hoped Luke would forgive him too?

I have never known what it was like to hate a dead man, Mrs Cohen, but I do now. Luke had idolised his father. Built him up to be some great hero, worked hard to fill his shoes. And all to find out that it was all a fraud. A bitter disappointment, was what Mr Van Helsing Senior was.

Galvin was keen to preserve his memory; the untarnished bits only. They had been best friends, his wife had known Luke's mum. They'd probably been on swinging seventies dates. Creepy. However hard he tried, both Luke and I knew that his father was gone and no good. And only Galvin was left. His sort of father figure. I felt for him, I really did.

I let him cry, Mrs Cohen, because he needed to cry. He had never been so sad, so broken, so guilty. I didn't know how to help.

And in that moment, something changed. I stopped being Ruby. I think. I don't know. All that I knew was that I was kissing him, and that he was kissing me back.

It wasn't how I'd imagined my first real kiss, Mrs Cohen. I say first real kiss, because technically, Sam Patel had licked me when we were four. I don't think that counts as a kiss, Mrs Cohen.

Luke kissed me his pain, his frustration, and I tried to comfort him, our lips bumping gently and our tongues doing things that sent tingles up and down my spine. I let him kiss me, because he needed to. And because I needed to kiss him a little too.

He was delicious, Mrs Cohen, like the proverbial apple in the garden of Eden. But Mrs Cohen, I didn't think he could ever be mine. You don't know how awful it is, Mrs Cohen, how torturous it is to love a boy like Luke Van Helsing, and know that he'll never love you back.**  
**


	7. Definitions

**7. Definitions.**

"The thing is Luke, I..." That was all I had. It'd been draft one, and I was really quite proud of it. There was only one small problem. It didn't quote convey the message.

You see, Mrs Cohen. I didn't lie when you made me do that presentation. I really do suck at speeches.

I was sleeping over at Luke's, Mrs Cohen, because he'd been upset and needed me. It was nice to be wanted, nicer to be wanted by Luke. He was curled beside me, on top of the duvet. I gently pushed his hair out of his eyes.

He stirred.

"Shhh."

"S'early." He slurred, one eye cracking open and seeing no light filter through the curtains..

I traced the muscles moving in his jaw with one finger. "It is. Go back to sleep."

For once in his life, Mrs Cohen, Luke did what I told him to. And he snored while doing it. Can I have a 'LOL,' Mrs Cohen? Yes, I think I can.

I didn't lie there and look at him, Mrs Cohen. That would have been creepy. Very psycho-killer like. I wasn't that kind of girl, Mrs Cohen, so I lay there and planned my speech.

I'm sorry to say that it didn't get much better.

I was going to tell him, because it didn't feel right, loving him and him not knowing. Luke had been my best friend since forever, Mrs Cohen, and I knew he couldn't laugh. I was pretty sure he wouldn't laugh.

He woke up briefly, sometime in the early morning, his hand resting on my bare arm. "Ruby?"

"Mmm?" I was still wide awake.

"Sometimes, I think that you're my soul mate, Rubes. My other half." Warm and tingly, Mrs Cohen, that was how I felt. Warm and tingly. "I don't deserve you." This was it, this was Luke changing, starting to see me the way I saw him. I held my breath, my heart thumping. He wouldn't say it yet, just soon. Very soon.

He was rubbing my arm, even though he was barely awake. It was soothing and very very nice. I fell asleep warm and tingly, Mrs Cohen, because I was tired, and life was perfect.

That afternoon, it seemed like the most natural thing to lie there next to him and kiss his lips hello. And then he woke up.

"Urgh." Luke likes to think he's got awesome hair, Mrs Cohen, but I think I'm the only one that's ever seen it ungelled and unstyled. It's anything but awesome. "Hey Rubes."

His breath fanned my face. "Luke, brush your teeth." I wasn't kidding, Mrs Cohen. His breath was bad.

He blushed. "Shut up!" But, he went into the bathroom anyway. I followed him to brush my teeth also, because I was pretty sure my breath stunk too.

"Move. Toothpaste. Brush." We weren't morning people, Mrs Cohen. That meant that it took a long time for things to kick in.

He'd brushed his teeth, thrown me out of the bathroom, taken a shower, styled his hair and emerged, in nothing but a towel, when he finally realised.

"Luke." Partial nudity in the morning was a little much for me to handle. "Put on some clothes!"

"Did you kiss me?" He demanded.

"What?" I laughed, because denial seemed like the way to go. "As if!"

He frowned, shaking his head as water droplets flew everywhere. "I could have sworn someone kissed me."

My heart stopped beating, Mrs Cohen. Just stopped. "Are you sure?"

His frown lines deepened. "Sort of."

I hesitated with the truth. "I...I think you imagined it." And just like that, Mrs Cohen, just like that, he believed me.

"Yeah. Yeah. You must be right." He headed to the fridge, ignoring my suggestions that he go and get dressed before I pounced and kissed him senseless. I left that last bit out, Mrs Cohen, because it wouldn't have been appropriate.

"Want?" He pointed the carton of orange juice to me.

"Nah. Thanks." I moved to the cafetiere to pour myself a cup of coffee. I drooled at the anticipation of really good coffee, Mrs Cohen, because Luke's mum made even better coffee than Starbucks.

Luke was reading a note on the counter, his orange juice just within his reach. "Mum sends her love, Ruby. She said that she's got a girl's night tonight. Said that there's money for food." He took a swig from the juice carton and grinned.

It took my breath away.

I knew that grin, and why I liked it. that grin, for your benefit, Mrs Cohen, meant only two things. Movies and pizza.

I'd died and gone to heaven, Mrs Cohen, because pizza and movies were two of my favourite things.

"You don't hate Mina, do you Luke?" I asked as the second movie ended.

"No, no I don't." He was riveted by the movie, eyes glued to the screen. His pizza slice lay forgotten, in his lap.

"You don't really want to kill her, do you?"

He sighed. "I don't know." Mina wasn't really to blame. Even I knew that. She'd just been the easiest person to take it out on; Galvin wasn't the sort to take temper tantrums well.

"You don't. Just like I don't really like thunder." I was adamant. Luke was better now, not so bitter. He hadn't healed, not quite yet, but time had dulled the rawness that was his pain. I couldn't give Time all the credit; the crying and semi-meltdown had also helped.

"Luke?" And just like that, Mrs Cohen, I needed to know. I needed to know what I meant to him. What last night had meant to him.

"Mmm?" The dude on the screen had just gotten beheaded. It was not the most appropriate time to ask, but I wanted, needed to know.

I waited until the end to ask, so that I'd have his undivided attention. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah." He didn't even look at me, not even as the credits rolled.

"What was that last night?" I took a deep breath and rephrased. "What are we Luke?" A simple question, no simple answer.

_"Sometimes your closest friend is your greatest enemy."  
- Jason Fong_

He hesitated, and for a split second, I loathed him. He couldn't let us be, could he? He wouldn't let me love him, because that would be condemning us both to this life of danger. In trying to my saviour, Luke was hurting me more than he would ever know. "You're my best friend, Rubes. You know that." He pushed the DVD into the player, and settled on the sofa as it started. My hope vanished. He'd been half awake, if even that. He didn't remember.

As much as I hated Luke trying to save me, I hated definitions even more. Just like that, I'd gone from his other half, his soul mate to his best friend. No one likes demotion, Mrs Cohen and I was no exception.**  
**


	8. Deep

**8. Deep.  
**  
_"If I tell you I love you, can I keep you forever?"  
- Casper, Casper the friendly ghost._

"You're mad." Luke had run to catch up with me, and he wasn't at all breathless. It was grossly unfair, Mrs Cohen, grossly unfair.

I stayed silent.

"Now, want to tell me why you're mad? Because I'm drawing up a big fat blank." He sighed. "Ruby. You're mad. I can tell." I wonder if the not-talking-to-him stance had given that away.

It broke the minute he stood in front of me, in all his Luke-ness glory. "Maybe we need to talk, Luke." It was the reason why I was mad. That we needed to talk. That, and Luke refused to sit still. He wanted to relax, just goof around and do silly things. Things he rarely got to do because he was the last Van Helsing and therefore occupied with things like smiting and grading. I wanted to talk, and he wanted to watch movies and hiss and boo when they got boring. I liked doing those things too, Mrs Cohen, but I'd been demoted recently, and I was hurt!

"Oh, really?" He looked at me through his fringe.

"Yeah, really."

"Well." He shoved his hands into his pocket. "What do you think I'm trying to do?" A hint of a smile played on his lips, and I did not react well to that, Mrs Cohen.

"Piss me off?" I pushed past him.

He laughed. "Come on Ruby, don't be like that." He was acting like this was the result of a mood swing, and not him stabbing me in the heart.

I could be miserable if I wanted to, Mrs Cohen, and Luke Van Helsing could not tell me what to do.

"Ruby!" He called out loudly, so people walking down the street could hear. Fortunately, this was London and no one cared, but still. He was trying to embarrass me, Mrs Cohen, I was sure of it.

It did not work. I walked and walked, and he followed me. "Ruby! Seriously. You can't ignore me forever." Feasibly, that was true. I could however, give it my best shot. "Ruby. I know you. You can't say no to coffee. Hell will freeze over if you do."

Damn him.

I stopped dead in my tracks, my Achilles heel painfully obvious. Luke pulled me behind him, his warm hands clasping my ones. I did not resist, because there was coffee in it for me.

"So," Luke said after we'd sat down, grande lattes in hand. "Are you going to tell me why I'm being ignored?"

I could not tell him that the reason why I was not talking to him was because he'd said I was his best friend, and that was not enough. Would you have told him, Mrs Cohen? I thought not. "Ignoring you? Me? Never!"

He sipped his mocha latte, one eyebrow raised. It was a look of doubt, Mrs Cohen, but he let it slide. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

The coffee suddenly seemed very interesting, Mrs Cohen. I inspected the dark brown colour and sipped it to let the bitter, creepy taste run over my tongue.

"Well?" Luke was like a dog with a bone. He would not let go.

"The things is..." My speech sprang to mind, Mrs Cohen, but my voice gave out. I tried again. You'd be happy to know that I revised it. I thought it was quite good, but needed some work. Okay, okay, it needed a lot of work.

I cleared my throat, and looked at him. Having been on the tip of my tongue for so long, the words slipped out. "The thing is Luke, you prat, I love you." You know you're in deep, Mrs Cohen, when those words make your stomach do flip flops.

"Woah." He stopped drinking, the mug frozen halfway to his mouth.

Seriously, Mrs Cohen, woah? Was I a horse? Had there ever been a horse called Ruby? I think not. I told him I loved him, Mrs Cohen, and I expected the world to move. I expected the stars to align in my favour, for fate, to once, just once work well for Luke Van Helsing and let him be loved the way he deserved to be loved. But, life doesn't work like that, does it Mrs Cohen? No, you're right. It doesn't.

Luke would never be that boy, the one who had the normal life with the happy ending. He'd be that boy that lived in the shadows, wondering what could have been, and I would be there watching over him, for as long as I could, because I didn't get to keep him forever. I knew he worried about being alone, Mrs Cohen, but it was a problem of his own making. He thought it was better this way, no hard feelings for either party, if he was alone. I understood that he was reluctant to get hurt again, to lie, to have this endless, tiring charade constantly up, even after a hard days smiting. It was bad enough already, him having to lie to his mum. I understood. I did.

Luke just had to understand one thing.

I wouldn't be around forever.**  
**


	9. Disaster

**9. Disaster.  
****  
**It had gotten to that point, Mrs Cohen, where I could stand it no longer. We'd gone way past Valentine's day, past the spring fling party where Amber had once again tried to make a pass at Luke. He hadn't rebuffed her, but he hadn't encouraged her either. I supposed I should have been appeased by that, Mrs Cohen, but I wasn't. I could no longer love him from afar. And, I would not love someone who would not love me back. So I had to stop loving him. There was no choice.

It was easier to not love him when he wasn't around, and he wasn't. At all. He disappeared; went completely off my Luke-dar. Mrs Cohen, Luke was good at hiding, and I was bad at finding.

His mother, however, was not as bad at noticing as we had thought. "Ruby! Darling!" Jenny cornered me in the supermarket.

I emerged from behind the broccoli, the place I'd never thought she'd look. All Van Helsings hated broccoli with fervour; it was a sort of rule of thumb. "Hi Jenny."

"Ruby!" She embraced me. "How are you?"

Oh you know, heartbroken. "Fine thanks. You?"

"Oh great. Great." Jenny had lived though her husband dying. I envied her. Everything after that must have been cake. "I haven't seen you lately."

I smiled. "Yeah. I've just been really busy. I've got this killer psychology essay to write." It was only a little white lie, Mrs Cohen! It wasn't that awful.

Jenny looked like she was onto me. She could be intuitive when she wanted to be, Mrs Cohen. You've met her. She said that you were nice. She liked you better than Luke's snotty maths teacher. Not that Mr Scolari is snotty, Mrs Cohen. He's just very...posh. "Aw. Well, you should drop by the penthouse when you're done." She leaned forward, confiding in me. "Luke's been a bit down, really. Girl trouble. Probably that Mina again."

I smothered a bitter smile. "Mina. Right." I tried to be sympathetic; I really did. "What exactly do you think is going on?"

"Well, you know, she probably wants someone she can relate to a bit more. Someone who understands her...condition." Oh god. Jenny was so far off the right track this was comedy gold! Even I, in my heartbroken state could see that. "Not that Luke isn't understanding. He is, dear boy. It's just...I don't think you can fully understand until you've been in that kind of situation." See, Mrs Cohen, she is astute. Sometimes.

"Erm," I didn't know what to say. Tell me what to say Mrs Cohen. Fine. Don't.

"Oh dear." Jenny was great, in small doses. "I've got to go. Yoga class."

I smiled. "Aw. Sad." Little white lies would not hurt anyone, Mrs Cohen. "I'll see you around though, yeah?"

"Definitely." She kissed my forehead. "See you around, darling. Oh, and try and stop by please. Luke'd love to see you."

I sincerely doubted that. "Sure." Mrs Cohen, if you tried to make me feel guilty about telling little white lies, then you succeeded.

I would not, however, be dropping by. I'd left numerous phone calls, messages, texts, emails but all to no avail. I got that he needed time to digest things, that he had demons to smite and homework to do, but he did not need this long. He avoided me when I was helping out in the stacks and he avoided me when I was at school. If Luke Van Helsing wanted to apologise, Mrs Cohen, then he could damn well find me. It would not be the other way around.

_"I prithee send me back my heart,  
Since I cannot have thine;  
For if from yours you will not part,  
Why, then, shouldst thou have mine?"  
- John Suckling_

I didn't want to try and move on, Mrs Cohen, but did I really have a choice? No, no I didn't. It wasn't healthy, pining for Luke and loving him from afar. It wasn't good for me, for us. I wasn't going to throw away our years and years of friendship, and I was sure that that was the last thing he wanted. We were just giving each other space, space to grow and space to redefine ourselves.

Which is where Lee came in.

He'd started work at the cafe opposite our school, the one I frequented twice a day. Since he'd begun to work there, I'd frequented three times a day. I swear, Mrs Cohen, he made really good coffee.

And he had good taste in music.

Anyway, the point was that Lee was everything Luke was not. He put me first, giving me free coffees, letting me queue jump. He was always there. Okay, granted, he worked there and was therefore obligated to be there, but when I wanted to talk, Lee was there, listening. Lee was there for me in way that Luke, occupied with saving the world, could never be.

"I thought I loved someone, a little while ago." I was confessing, spilling out my secrets over a free Americano. I didn't know why, only that it felt right. So right.

Lee placed his hand over mine, gripping it tightly. It was comforting. "You've such a dear heart, Ruby. You shouldn't give it away without a fight." He smiled, his eyes crinkling in the corner, all mysterious and dark. Even though he wasn't Luke, Mrs Cohen, he was attractive.

My stomach fluttered.

I thought I'd moved on, Mrs Cohen, I honestly thought my heart had forgotten all about Luke Van Helsing. So, when Lee asked me out on a date, Mrs Cohen, I said yes.**  
**


	10. Don’t

**10. Don't.  
****  
**Luke did a good thing, Mrs Cohen. He punched my boyfriend. Or ex, I should say.

Let's recap. Get you in the loop.

It'd been a pretty good day. I'd been wined, dined, danced and pranced around. I felt desired. It'd been perfect.

For a girl that lived in converse, Mrs Cohen, I was a girl that sure loved her cheesy romance. And that was what I thought Lee was; nothing but a cheesy distraction. I had honestly thought that he was my rebound guy. You know, Mrs Cohen, the rebound guy. The guy that you like so much that he wipes all thoughts of Luke Van Helsing from your mind.

Lee was in fact, my rebound guy.

Sort of. Can I call him my failed rebound guy? Cool, thanks Mrs Cohen. I knew you'd understand.

We'd been out in two and a half dates in three days. I said two and a half, Mrs Cohen, because that was when Luke came into the restaurant.

It was sufficient to say, Mrs Cohen, that our date was cut short. I'd been in the middle of reciting the entire catalogue of the most awesome bands...ever, when Luke saw Lee and hated him.

I didn't believe in hate at first sight, Mrs Cohen, but Luke clearly did. He was smouldering at the other end, his hands fisted in his pockets. I had to excuse myself, Mrs Cohen, because Luke was clearly unhappy. That didn't sit well with me.

He was looking at the menu when I approached him. "Hey."

It was awkward.

"Hey." He didn't even look up until I sat down opposite him. "I'm waiting for my mum."

"Okay." I tucked my hands under my legs, just for something to do. "I'm here with a...friend." Lee'd asked me to be his girlfriend yesterday and I'd said yes. That made him my boyfriend, Mrs Cohen.

"Oh?" Luke was pretending to be nonchalant, like it wasn't his business. It wasn't!

"Yes."

"Well." Luke turned back to the menu. "Don't let me stop you."

"Well. Okay. Fine." What else was there to do but go?

I went back to Lee, who was staring intensely at me. "You took a while."

"Sorry." I smiled apologetically. "There was a queue for the ladies."

The truth would have been harder to tell, Mrs Cohen, so I did not tell it.

Lee looked like he was unhappy. His mood was dark, almost chilling. "I saw you talking to someone. Who was that?"

I brushed his suspicions aside. "No one. Just someone from school."

Our first day anniversary dinner was ruined, Mrs Cohen. Ruined! I ate my lasagne in silence, picking at the spinach. "I need to go to the bathroom." I announced as the waitress cleared our empty plates from the table.

Lee nodded, but said nothing.

When I came back from the bathroom – for real this time, Luke and Lee were engaged in a very heated conversation.

Lee was smirking, and I couldn't see Luke's face, but I knew he was mad. I was running now, Mrs Cohen, navigating my way through the cramped tables when Luke did the bad thing. His fist clenched, his arm raised and -

"No! Luke! Don't!" I was too late.

His punch was straight and true. Much crying did ensue.

"What? What was that for? I think you broke my nose." Lee was indeed clutching his nose.

The muscles in Luke's jaw were working over time, spontaneously twitching. "I think you know what that was for." He gritted.

Mrs Cohen, you have no idea how hot it is to see Luke Van Helsing fight over you.

He dragged me out of there, and I did not protest. I know, I know, not very twenty-first century woman of me, Mrs Cohen, letting a man tell me what to do, but somehow, the tensions that had been there between us had disappeared. It meant that my sanity left the building temporarily.

"Luke?" My inner twentieth century, independent woman kicked in after he'd bundled me up into his car, with orders to put on my seatbelt. Honestly, just because he could drive did not mean he could tell me what to do. "What was that?"

Luke declined to answer, and action that I thought most unjust. I knew that Lee may not have been the easiest person to get along with – he was possessive to a fault – but Luke had never been very even tempered, had he?

The answer to that, Mrs Cohen, was no. Remember Alice? That lying harpy bitch that Luke had thought wasn't a lying harpy bitch?

Exactly. Luke had a temper problem. Fact. "That was nothing. Just stay away from that boy, okay?"

I think, Mrs Cohen that we've established that I have a problem with people telling me what to do. "Oh? Any particular reason why, or are you just not going to tell me?" Luke didn't tell me a lot of things. Like, what brand of boxer-briefs he wore, or what he really thought about chick flicks, or who was his celebrity crush. There were some things, Mrs Cohen, that I did not want to know. This however, was not one of them.

His hand tightened themselves around the steering wheel. "Just stay away, okay?" His jaw was doing the twitching thing again, his eyes focused on the road as he drove fast.

"Luke. Slow down." I was worried, worried for my life and his as several cars horned us. "Oh shut up!" I yelled out the window. "Girl having a serious talk here!"

His lips twitched, and I sensed the end to this strange rage wave he'd been on.

Then, Mrs Cohen, he said words I never believe I'd hear. "Lee's grade five, Ruby."

My jaw went slack. "Huh?"

He ran a hand through his hair frustratedly. "Mina knows Lee, Ruby. You know how?" I shook my head numbly. Great. Another boy lost to the biter that was Mina. "They made a deal."

"Okay. So, where does little me come in?"

"You were the deal."

Lee's words came back to haunt me. He'd mentioned my heart – my dear heart. What kind of self respecting boy had ever mentioned a heart? Those were the words of an old creature, a demon, a freak. A monster. "What?"

Luke sighed, pulling the car over. "I didn't want to tell you like this." Like what? In a car? Because, Mrs Cohen, I thought that this was a good time as any. "I wanted to tell you gently. With lots of chocolate. And coffee. Copious amounts of coffee." He knew me so well, it hurt a little.

I blinked back the tears, trying to stem the flow until I could get into my flat, head straight for my room and bury my head in my pillow. "Why me?"

Sure, I'd pissed off my fair share of demons, but Galvin and Luke had pissed off their fair share and then some. I wouldn't even consider the number of demons Mina had pissed off. Smiting never went down well, Mrs Cohen, especially when you took into consideration the whole dead and gone thing. "Because you're not Galvin, and because you're not a Van Helsing. That makes you vulnerable, Rubes." He didn't have to rub it in, Mrs Cohen, that I wasn't very strong. "Besides, these demons, they're sort of like hunters. They hunt their pray, reel them in. It's cruel. Even Galvin was surprised. They kill those who are pure of heart. And they liked you, Ruby, they chose you, because Mina said that you were kind, sweet and utterly annoying. Type fives don't think for themselves, and Mina did the thinking. That old woman, that day, in the woods she was supposed to kill you, and she didn't succeed. So Lee stepped in."

I knew it! I knew it! I knew Mina like me the least. She was jealous, Mrs Cohen, jealous because I could have that life, have that baby and have that eternal, blissful sleep when I died. Vampire Mina acted on whims, never considering little-big things like consequences, and now, this reckless behaviour was coming back to bite us – me – bite me in the butt. "So what next?" I found my voice. I didn't want Luke to kill Mina. Her guilty conscious would be punishment enough.

Besides, now that she was responsible for trying to kill me AND trying to get Lee to kill me, it was pretty obvious, Mrs Cohen, that I was entitled to borrow a few things not only from her wardrobe but her shoe collection too!

"I'll take care of him. It." Luke promised as he changed the gears and headed to my house. "Don't worry Rubes; things'll go back to normal. You'll see."

I didn't say anything, because all my energy had been used up trying to not cry.

When he pulled up outside my flat, I had to say something, because he was Luke, and because he had saved me. "Thanks Luke. For...you know. Being my hero."

He smiled. "I know, what can I say? I'm awesome like that."

"Shut up." I thumped his shoulder gently as he laughed.

"Go on." He nodded to the door. "Get out. I have to explain to mum why I couldn't make dinner." We shared a smile, knowing that she'd have hysterics about being stood up for dinner by her own son. You'd have thought she was used to that by now, Mrs Cohen, but she wasn't.

I shrugged, unbuckling my seatbelt and opening the door. "Tell her I had a boy emergency." I slammed the door shut, as he rolled down the window to respond.

He snorted. "Yeah, and get her go on about how she hopes I'll find a nice girlfriend of my own? No thanks." He waved and drove off, and I stood there loving him, Mrs Cohen.

I knew I shouldn't, Mrs Cohen, and that it was bad, but I did it anyway. Perhaps you can explain to me the intricacies of the heart Mrs Cohen, because when it comes to love, I'm hopeless.

_"The heart has reasons that reason cannot know."  
- Blaise Pascal_

I went home and cried, Mrs Cohen. Cried because my ex-boyfriend was a demon, and cried because I was still hopelessly in love. I didn't know which was worse.


	11. Do

**11. Do.**

_"Some men have thousands of reasons why they cannot do what they want to; all they need is one reason why they can."  
- Willis Whitney_

The next day, I stopped crying. I had come to the conclusion that it was no use crying any more, Mrs Cohen. All it did was give me red eyes.

Luke dropped by, armed with supplies of chocolate and coffee. It was most unfair, I thought, that he should have advantages of the comfort-food kind.

"Ruby!" He was banging on my bedroom door. "Let me in!" Jamie, my younger brother must have let him in. The betrayer.

Thankfully, I'd installed a lock to keep my brother out. It was proving handy, keeping the cruel, demon-boyfriend filled world out of my sight.

"I've got chocolate." I heard the sound of chocolate wrappers opening, and my mouth salivated. All I'd had to eat had been that spinach lasagne last night. Not one iota of food had passed my lips since. Not even dessert. "Ruby." He whined. "I can't eat all of this by myself."

I flung the door open. "Fine. But you'd better have a lot."

He held up a bag, bursting to the brim. "I told the cashier I knew a chocolate monster." His other hand held two coffees, now only lukewarm. "And I told the barista that I knew someone who really needed an obscenely large coffee fix."

I took them from him, leaving the door open.

He settled down onto my bed silently, his back resting against eh wall. He watched me as I tucked in beside him, carefully taking note of my red eyes and stuffy nose. But, he didn't say anything.

I would be the first the break the silence, my head resting on his shoulder as I looked up and asked him. "You know you said that maybe this was it? After Alice? Is this how it's going to be like for me?" My voice was small. "Am I really going to spend the rest of my life dating with demons that try to kill me?"

"No. No." He protested. "Ruby, no, it's not going to be like that for you."

"Right. I forgot. Only you get to be tortured." I was bitter, if you couldn't tell. I snapped off a large chunk of chocolate with my teeth.

He didn't say anything, but mainly because he didn't know what to say Mrs Cohen. Would you? I thought not.

We settled into a silence, the comfortable kind. The kind that we'd had before, in between the interesting conversations about who said what and who was dating who and stuff that normal teenagers who weren't smiters, or smiter helpers got up to. It all seemed rather trivial now, the dating and she-said, he-said game. I suppose having the responsibility of saving the world sort of has that effect on you, doesn't it, Mrs Cohen?

Our silence didn't take long to get broken, Mrs Cohen, because half lives were annoying like that.

"Sorry. I have to go." He was apologetic, but knew I understood, because I did. A half life waited for no man. "Galvin."

"It's okay." I scrambled up. "I'll come with."

He inhaled sharply. "You sure that's a good idea?" Luke knew I was still hurting, just a little. He thought that it was because of Lee, because I'd been betrayed just like he'd been betrayed. He understood, but he didn't understand fully. You see, Mrs Cohen, boys like Luke didn't know what it was like, being in love with your best friend.

He thought that I wasn't up to it, but to be honest, a day wrapped up in evil goodness was just what I needed right now. Take my mind off things. That would be good. "Luke. I'm fine." He was sweet for worrying.

He pulled on his jacket, helping me find mine. "If you say so." He didn't believe me, following me cautiously out the door, like I would break.

I wouldn't.

Luke started up his car, having finally passed his test (without Galvin's consent). I sat down next to him and he pulled a bar of chocolate out of his pocket, tossing it into my lap. "For the journey."

And just like that, Mrs Cohen, just like that, I forgave Luke Van Helsing. Because I wanted his body. And his chocolate. And maybe because I loved him, just a little.

When we arrived at the stacks, Galvin was his usual alcoholic self. "There's coffee. There." Galvin pointed me to his temperamental coffee machine, and I winced as I saw the blend he was using.

"No thanks." It was rare that I said no to coffee, Mrs Cohen, but you have to understand one thing. Rupert Galvin, demon slayer extraordinaire, made the worst coffee in the world. I only drank it in desperately dire situations.

"Luke?" He pointed his cup to Luke, who looked at me and smiled before replying. "No thanks." Luke might not have been such a coffee devotee but he knew bad coffee when he tasted it and Galvin's coffee, was Horrendous. With a capital H. There was a reason he was the only person who used the coffee machine in the stacks. And why he refused to let Mina buy him a new machine.

Once Galvin had finished fuelling himself with his awful awful coffee, he dragged Luke with him to investigate the strange claims that were being made. Mina and I had narrowed it down to either a rebel group of type four Noisy Boys or a stray Kapre. They were going to confirm our suspicions.

Which left Mina and I alone. A perfect time to clear up a few things, I thought. "So Mina, want to explain why I got almost seduced by a demon yesterday?" It was an innocent enough enquiry, Mrs Cohen, but the bitterness in my voice suggested anything but.

Mina froze. "Erm. Oops?"

She was lucky that I still had chocolate and coffee running in my bloodstream, or else she would have felt the slap my hand was itching to deliver.

"I will not apologise. I was doing what I thought was right. I told you before, and I'll tell you again. It will end in tears." She paused to take a breath. "Although, I am sorry that I tried to have you killed. I'll try to curb my Vampire instincts next time."

I couldn't tell whether that was sarcasm or not, but that was not the issue. "But Luke and I could be so happy! Can't you see that?" Possibly not choice words to use when talking to a blind lady. But, Mina was not nay blind lady. She was a blind Vampire, and that made all the difference.

"You think that seeing Luke like Galvin – cold, disconnected, obsessed – is worth a few years of happiness?" It was a valid point. More so than I wanted to admit. "Ruby, you are young. So young." She took another deep breath, wondering how to word her disapproval. "Tennyson was wrong, Ruby. It is not better to have lost and loved than to never have loved at all. Take it from someone who knows."

Ah Mina. Mother of one, loving wife, snack of Dracula. She'd loved and lost, and was all the bitter for it. I appreciated that she was trying to spare us this great pain that she'd had to live with, but she was overlooking one small detail. "I'm not you, Mina. Luke's not you. We're not in the same situation you were in. Maybe it could go wrong, maybe. I'd take that chance in a heartbeat."

She nodded, with the wisdom a person who'd lived for a hundred and something years. She knew that her advice, against the strong headedness that was young love, her advice didn't stand a chance. She would let us make our mistakes, and then step in to pick up the pieces. A familiar pattern. She'd had to clear Galvin's mess up. While she meant well, she was a pain. I think the feeling was mutual, Mrs Cohen.

I was determined to prove her wrong. Just because she'd had a point, didn't mean that my point was invalid. It was very much valid. We were at a stalemate.

"Hey, you were right Mina. It was a Kapre. Ruby, you should have seen me smite the..." Luke came back just then, Mrs Cohen, surveying the two of us glaring at each other with much trepidation. "What's up?" He wasn't entirely oblivious to the frost that hung in the air. "What are you two whispering about?"

Mina and I looked up. "Nothing."

"Whatever." Luke had things to smite, and homework to do. "I'm going to drop Ruby home, and then meet up with Galvin."

"That's fine. I'll see you later." Mina bade him goodbye. I stuck out my tongue behind her back. She wouldn't know; it was fine. "Oh and Ruby? One more thing. You really should go outside in the sun and get a little more vitamin D. Your blood tasted kind of bitter."

Luke's jaw tensed. He didn't like being reminded of the day I escaped death. I however, saw the funny side. "I'll remember that next time you try to kill me." I pulled him out with me, Mrs Cohen, before he did something stupid. Like try and trip a Vampire.

I waited patiently until he'd unlocked his car, and then climbed into the front passenger seat. It was a pretty sweet ride, only one year old – a gift from the Godfather known as Galvin. "Can I ask you something Luke?"

"Sure." He buckled his seatbelt, turning to look at me expectantly.

"How did you know, that Lee was...you know, a half life? He looked pretty damn normal to me." Well actually, Mrs Cohen, he'd looked pretty damn fine to me, but I doubted whether Luke wanted to hear that. It'd just send his blood pressure up the roof.

"Mina saw..." Oh, Mina and her premonitions. He cleared his throat. "Mina saw you dead. And then had a flashback to when she was a Vampire. She made a deal with the Cassus, you dead and they got to keep your heart."

Oh. Oh! "Oh."

"Yeah. She confessed in the middle of a pizza." Well, it was nice to know that Luke had abandoned pizza to come save me from the clutches of a very hot demon.

"What gave her the premonition?"

Luke cleared his throat again. "Erm, me."

I did a double take "You?"

"Yeah." He shrugged. "Her vision really does work in weird ways, doesn't it?"

I laughed, a little hollow laugh. He'd given Mina the premonition, and my heart jumped. Even the fates knew that we were supposed to be together. Why didn't Luke?

I knew he wasn't that stupid. But, he was that oblivious.

I stopped talking, half listing to him go on about what kind of a demon Lee was, how he worked. I smiled at him, nodding when he warned me to be careful, that Lee was still out there. He regretted not smiting Lee, there and then, but we knew the rules.

No exposure.

And that meant, Mrs Cohen, no smiting in public places. I'd consider Bella Italia a pretty public place, Mrs Cohen, given that it was completely packed.

Anyway, he was still talking. "He's a grade five entity Rubes. But, he's not just any grade five. He's what they used to call the Cassus. Back in the day."

"What do we call them now?"

"The Cassus."

I was lost, like a bad sheep. "Right. So, Luke, is there any point to this?"

Luke rattled off the facts like Galvin. "Yes! Lee originates from the medieval times. Back when the used words – Latin words – like the Cassus. It means vain. Like, OMG, where's my man make up?" I sensed great resentment here, Mrs Cohen. You see, Mina wasn't the only psychic one here.

"Point Luke? Or are you just going to boyfriend bash?"

"Ex," he corrected before sighing. "The point is Lee was going to kill you. He preys on the innocent. The purer of heart a person is, the longer his need is sustained. The Cassus have this strange sort of potion thing, honed after many centuries of trading their soul for this recipe that keeps them young. The key ingredient is one human heart." My hand flew to my chest. Voila.

I exhaled. "Wow. Kind of like a killer anti aging cream." I wonder how much that would be worth to the cosmetic industry, Mrs Cohen. I think a lot. You agree? Oh good.

Luke laughed. "Yeah. Sort of. Anyway, we smite them the usual way, but first we need to actually get hold of him. Alone. That's the hard part, apparently."

"How? Messing up their hair to throw their hotness of kilter?" Lee's hair had been strangely perfect, Mrs Cohen, even better than mine. Even better than Luke's. And now, I knew his secret. More than his fair share of vanity, and a magic potion, made out of human heart.

I suddenly got put off trying to stay looking good, Mrs Cohen. I was a vegetarian. We were not so good with blood. Or stolen body organs.

"No, into CCTV. Galvin's on it." Luke shot me a look. We knew Galvin and machinery was not a good combination, but Luke had school and well, playing hookie to watch hours upon hours of stolen police property – courtesy of Dodgy Daniel – was not his idea of fun. "Oh." Luke turned to me, lips curved a little. "Galvin found a picture of your boyfriend before he was turned into a Cassus."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. He was some gnarly eighty year old." I balked. "Galvin'll show you the picture, if you like."

Ew. "Uh, no thanks." I wanted to think of my first boyfriend as pretty, not some old gnarly old dude. "I'm good."

"You sure?" He pulled into my street. "We could have a boyfriend bashing party."

"Uh no. I'm sure." I got out of the car. "I'll see you tonight, yeah?"

He smiled. "Sure." I still hadn't finished being upset. It took time, I knew. But, in the meantime, I had Luke. And that, that helped more than any chocolate-pizza-coffee combination.

Luke came over that night, smelling like he'd been in another sewer. Straight away, I pushed him into the bathroom, shoving a set of the emergency clothes he kept over at my place in with him.

Smelling like a sewer was an emergency, don't you think Mrs Cohen?

I certainly do.

He emerged less smelly. "Oh god." I held my nose, teasingly. "Please, please get new skin. That smell is gross."

He sniffed himself. "I thought I'd done a pretty good job."

He was so wrong. "If by good you mean half assed."

My mouth twitched as his brow furrowed. He caught it. "Shut up." I laughed out loud, no longer bothering to conceal my amusement. I couldn't believe he'd fallen for it. "Oh, you are so going to regret that."

He picked me up, Mrs Cohen, and I struggled to break free. "Luke! Luke! Hey! Put me down!"

He didn't, Mrs Cohen. I giggled some more, wriggling to get out of his grasp. It was then I realised how close he was, how nice and unsewer-y he smelled. He was so close to me, so close that if I moved forward, just one little millimetre, then we'd be lip to lip. The thought thrilled me.

His hair was still wet, beads of water glistening between the wet strands. He looked adorable, and I tried to ignore it, for fear that my knees would melt. I don't have to tell you, Mrs Cohen that the world stopped. Lee, and wherever he was, whatever threat he posed, just disappeared. Thoughts of your essay went right out of the window.

He was invading my personal space, Mrs Cohen, and I found that I didn't mind. I wanted him to. That was the last thing I thought before he leant in.

I guess you'll have to read to see if he kissed me, won't you Mrs Cohen?

That answer to that, by the way is yes. ****

_-nearly over dears. Just a few things to tie up and... :( Also, I'm not terribly good at this whole sci-fi thing, so I hope my Cassus thing is somewhat plausibe and doesn't read too badly-_


	12. Desired

**12 . Desired.  
**

__

"One word frees us of all the weight and pain in life. That word is Love."  
- Sophocles.

He was still close, very close. "I won't change for you Ruby." He whispered, his warm breath fanning my face.

I whispered back. "I'm not asking you to." We were still outside the bathroom, Mrs Cohen. It was a good thing no one was home, or we'd have a serious bathroom shortage.

Luke looked at me, through his fringe. "You'll still be there for me, right? Even if I'm never there, or put you in danger, or smell bad?" His blue eyes searched mine for answer.

"Luke. Of course." I knew this conversation. Jenny had told me. I thought about it, really thought about how I could put his mind at ease. "On second thoughts, the smelling bad thing might make me change my mind. Just a little."

He laughed.

Perhaps that hadn't been the thing to say, Mrs Cohen. But, it sure eased the tension. He asked me if I wanted to go for a walk. I said yes.

Outside, it was dark. It was night, Mrs Cohen, so that was no unusual. He put an arm around me, and I snuggled into him for the warmth. We walked to the pier, Mrs Cohen, the place that meant a lot to me. To both of us. It felt right; felt poignant that we should be there on a night like this, on a night that something was going to happen. Something did happen, Mrs Cohen, but more on that later.

We stayed like that for a while, just watching the world pass by. This was the kind of things couples did, isn't it Mrs Cohen, sitting and just being together. It was confusing, Mrs Cohen, being Luke's other half in soul but only a friend by name.

I had learnt my lesson from last time. This time, there would be no definitions, only clarifications. "Remember that day week kissed Luke? The day that you tried to kill Mina?

"Yeah." I thought so, Mrs Cohen. It'd been a hard day to forget.

"Did it mean something to you?"

His hand ran through my hair, his fingers tangling in the choppy brown strands. "Of course it meant something to me Ruby."

"Then why won't you say it?"

"Say what?" Even for a boy, Mrs Cohen, Luke was very clueless.

"That you love me! I told you I loved you first, I think it's only fair I get an 'I love you,' back."

He was serene. "Love is not a word I use lightly Ruby."

"Love is not a word I use lightly either Luke."

"Oh really?" His eyebrow was raised.

"Really."

He ticked off the things on his fingers. "You love candyfloss. Fudge. Coffee. chocolate. Pizza. Movies – the good, the bad and the just plain ugly. The Who. Rancid. Converses. Shoes in general. Leather jackets." He stopped and looked at me, one eyebrow raised. "Do I really need to carry on?"

I was a little hurt, Mrs Cohen, that he thought me saying something as significant as 'I love you' was as trivial as leather jackets. "No. No, I think you've made your point perfectly clear."

He saw my face, his hands cradling my head, thumbs rubbing circles to soothe my agitated state. "Ruby, you know I can't love you. I can't."

I knew he shouldn't Mrs Cohen, but I had given up caring. He was still trying to protect me, even though it was pointless. I was part of his world now, in the same amount of danger as he was. Luke once told me that if I ever met the girl who was right for him, the one girl who wouldn't lie to him, the one girl he didn't need to lie to, then to give her his number. I was that girl, Mrs Cohen. And I already had his number.

It was such a shame Luke didn't realise, Mrs Cohen, and a good thing that fighting demons required brawn, and not brains.

"Oh! Oh." It stung.

"Ruby." He pulled me closer, so our noses were almost touching. "That not to say I don't love you too. It's just I can't. Shouldn't." It was not the way I'd wanted, hoped for him to respond. It was worse, seeing him deny himself – us – like this.

I wanted clarification. "So it's a waiting game? I'll have to wait until one day, one maybe day in the far away future when you decide that you feel the same way." I'd have to wait for him even longer, Mrs Cohen. Wait until he realised that he was hurting me more than any half life could. Luke didn't say anything, just titled his head sympathetically, as if he could understand my predicament. I took a deep breath. "Maybe I can't wait around forever, you know. Maybe I need stability and something more than friendship." There were a lot of maybes there, Mrs Cohen, and that meant that I was giving him an ultimatum.

"I..." He was speechless. He didn't know where this was coming from. He was going to respond, when his phone rang. Maxwell Murder. What the hell did Galvin want now? "Rubes, I'm sorry, we'll talk later, yeah?" His eyes searched mine, seeking forgiveness.

I cut him off. "I know. I know you have to go, fight demons, and I accept that. That's who you are. I'm not complaining. All I'm saying, is maybe I want someone to see me. To look at me and see me and feel about me the same way I feel about them. That's all." Perhaps I asked for too much, Mrs Cohen. Perhaps I did. But I would never know, not if I didn't take that leap, and hope, wish, dream, that it would happen. Was that too much to desire, Mrs Cohen? Because, I think it might just have been.

I didn't need to tell him where this was coming from. The answer was obvious. Lee. You see, Mrs Cohen, Lee really had been my kind of rebound, because he'd shown me what I'd really wanted. Sure, sure, I wanted Luke, but I also wanted that life, the one with the house and the husband and the family car and the shoe room. I wanted happiness. If I couldn't have Luke, then at least I could have that. It was a compromise.

I continued my monologue. "But that's not what I'm really saying Luke. What I'm really saying, is I –"

I was halted by clapping. Apparently, Mrs Cohen, we had an audience. And, this is when the something happened.

The figure stepped out of the shadows, and Luke's hand reached for the gun that he kept in his inner pocket. "Ah, ah, ah! I wouldn't."

Out of nowhere, someone grabbed me, Mrs Cohen, and I hated it. My personal space was being invaded, Mrs Cohen, and that did not bode well with me.

"Ouch! Lee, she kicked me." A hand covered my mouth, but it barely registered.

Lee?

Lee Lee?

"Hello Ruby." Lee was still attractive. But then again, half lives like him didn't age.

"Lee." Obviously, now was not the time for niceties, but it was force of habit. Beside me, Luke's hand trembled with rage.

"I'm going to fucking smite thee."

Lee laughed audaciously. It was kind of stupid, Mrs Cohen, especially when you had a gun pointing at you. "Are you really?" Baiting the boy with the gun. God, why had I ever been attracted to Lee in the first place?

"Yeah. I am." Luke jabbed his gun at Lee, just as Lee's accomplice tightened his grip around me. The accomplice smelt like wet fur and bear breath. Great. A Noisy Boy. This was a sign. Whenever I was in trouble, a Noisy Boy just so happened to be around. How lucky for me.

Lee laughed again. I wanted to slap him, right after I'd slapped the Noisy Boy that was restraining me. "You think that's wise?" Lee jerked his head towards me. "I could have her head snapped off."

"I'd rather you didn't." I whispered.

Lee laughed. "That depends. What's in it for me?" He tapped his chin lightly, thinking it made him look clever. It didn't, Mrs Cohen. "The way I see it is this – a fair maiden, pure of heart and one demon catcher. I'd say that's a pretty good haul, wouldn't you?" His accomplice grunted and I winced at the diabolical case of bad breath he was suffering from. "One maiden, pure of heart, and a demon catcher to top it off." He looked at Luke, far too happy. Luke was his icing; after all, he'd most certainly get into heaven on account of dedicating his life to saving the world. I was the cake, something I wasn't particularly keen on. I really wanted to keep my heart, Mrs Cohen, on account of that if I didn't, I'd be kind of dead.

The muscle in Luke's jaw twitched. "You know, we probably should upgrade you Cassus. Grade five is just an insult."

Lee actually preened himself. Clearly centuries of living had not yet taught him how to accept a compliment graciously. "Hmm, and I should probably give you smiters less credit. After all, how'd a lowly Cassus like me mange to get Ruby over here to fall for me." Ooh, mocking. We were so scared.

I snorted. "Please. Don't flatter yourself." Just because Abraham Van Helsing, the original Van Helsing, had not done his research properly, did not mean that Lee was a high level entity. It just meant we'd underestimated him. Just a little.

He turned nasty when I got lippy, Mrs Cohen, gripping my arm and dragging me in front of him, his dagger digging dangerously close to my rib cage. I'd been here before, in this same kind of situation. Only this time, I knew what to do.

Thank god for déjà-vu, right Mrs Cohen?

"Shoot me Luke. You've done it before, you can do it again." Luke's finger hovered hesitantly in front of the trigger. "Luke! Come on, I promise I won't yell at you. Or make you buy me pizza for breakfast again." His finger was still hesitating. "Luke, just shoot me already!" It was not something I thought I'd ever ask Mrs Cohen, but I knew Luke would never harm me. I trusted him.

I hadn't counted on one thing, Mrs Cohen; Luke could not shoot me.

And Lee knew that. Which was why he chose that opportunity to pounce.

He tried to rip Luke's heart out of his chest, his dagger sinking into Luke's T shirt, crimson staining the white fabric. I knew he was after Luke's heart. And after Luke, it would be me.

I scrambled for the gun, fighting hard against the Noisy Boy. I took it by surprise, kicking my way out of its grip and grabbing the gun. As the bear boy leapt toward me, its hoodie flying, I hit it in the head with the gun; a move that was surprisingly effective.

I knocked it out Mrs Cohen. Impressed? I was.

Lee was still trying to rip out Luke's heart. It was messy, blood everywhere. I aimed and clicked the trigger, staggering back with the force of the gun.

My aim was straight and true, the weird bullet smited him through.

He was the first freak I never smited, Mrs Cohen. And, looking at Luke the only Van Helsing left, lying on the floor and bleeding, I wasn't sure that Lee would be the last. He was bleeding, proper bleeding Mrs Cohen. I checked. There was blood everywhere, mostly on him and mostly on me.

"Luke? Luke! Luke!" I realised I had to tell him then, Mrs Cohen. Even if it was horribly cliché.

"Luke, you nitwit. Yes Luke, I said nitwit! Luke? Luke?" People had come around now, to see what was happening. Someone called the ambulance, and someone threw up in the corner. I didn't pay attention to them, only to the boy that way lying in my arms, bleeding for me.

The thing was, Luke had a destiny, Mrs Cohen. He could not afford to be injured. He had demons to smite, innocents to save. "I love you! Luke? Did you hear me? Luke?"

The ambulance arrived then, Mrs Cohen and they dragged me away. "Luke! You haven't loved me back yet! Mina's never wrong Luke, as much as I hate to admit it. You have to love me back! You have to be okay!" I realise that I sounded stark raving loony bonkers, Mrs Cohen, but I was a hysterical woman in love. You try being half as sane as I was. See, Mrs Cohen, not so easy, is it?

No, it's not.


	13. Deceased

**13. Deceased.  
**  
He died, Mrs Cohen. His heart stopped and I thought mine would stop with his.

I remember him being pale. So pale, and so asleep. I won't say dead, Mrs Cohen, because I can't bear it. They brought him back, of course. They had to, him being the last Van Helsing and all. You don't suppose the hospital staff knew Mrs Cohen, that they knew he'd saved the world from freaks and therefore they had to save him too? No? No.

Well. I have no answer to that.

They were intuitive though, Mrs Cohen, I'll tell you that. They let me stay with him, a hysterical sobbing mess dressed head to toe in Urban Outfitters, even when he came back to life. I never left his side.

Okay, only for five minutes, and that was because I needed to wee.

I knew how he felt now, Mrs Cohen, and I told him off for doing that to me. For leaving me behind, for making Mina's predictions almost untrue. I thought it was grossly unfair, Mrs Cohen, and I'm sure you'd agree, that he put me through that. There was a difference between me fainting and him being dead. A very big difference.

I did nothing but eat chocolate bars and drink coffee, Mrs Cohen, did nothing but take comfort in comfort food that would make me fat. Occasionally I'd stare at him. Okay, fine. I'd stare at him a lot, willing him to wake up. I talked a little too, but when the nurses stared giving me strange looks, I stopped. I suppose you're happy, Mrs Cohen, to know that you're not the only one that thinks I'm crazy. Don't lie.

The intensive care unit was very dull, Mrs Cohen. I'd sent Luke's mum home. She'd been hysterical, almost as hysterical as my mum had been when I'd been here after Mina had sucked my blood. I'd sent Jenny home with the assurance that should anything happen, I'd call her.

It was a bad call, Mrs Cohen. Bad, because it sucked. It sucked big time.

I hadn't expected him to die, to leave me here by myself. Not even for one second did the thought cross my mind that he'd die and leave me behind.

He was a lucky boy, the ambulance people had told me, because they'd gotten there just in the nick of time. I'd yelled at them for not getting there sooner. They hadn't appreciated that.

I apologised after Mrs Cohen, I swear.

They stemmed the bleeding, taped him up in all this padding so he wouldn't get hurt on the painstakingly long ambulance ride to the hospital. It was then that that Jenny arrived, and three days later, Luke still in a coma, she was a mess. I'd once thought her superhuman, that she could survive anything after her husband had died, but I was wrong. If Luke died, I would not be the only person who died with him. I sent her home, with Galvin because he'd been there too, and because they both needed to eat. To shower. To recuperate and think about something other than Luke's life hanging in the balance.

I didn't matter.

And therefore, I stayed with him. As a consequence, I'd been the only one there when the machine let out one flat, long beep. The squiggly line was flat, Mrs Cohen, flat. His heart had stopped beating, Mrs Cohen, and it felt like mine had too.

Everything happened in slow motion; the nurse rushing in, the crash cart, the doctor, the sound of Luke's heart being hit by thousands of volts as they tried to get it working again.

I just stood there.

It wasn't quite an out of body experience, Mrs Cohen. It was just...odd. I closed my eyes for one brief second and I saw the life we could have had. I saw the house. The coffee machine. The Siamese cat. The vintage PSP.

It was hard to imagine life without him. And Mrs Cohen, it's doubly hard when you know, that he died for you. For me.

I realised then, Mrs Cohen, that in his own way, Luke loved me too. He might not have shouted it from the rooftops or left notes on my coffee cup proclaiming his feelings, but in always being there for me, protecting me even when I didn't know I needed protecting, Luke had always loved me. Even when I did stupid things like date demons like Lee.

It may not have been the kind of love that you felt on first sight, that sudden wave of overwhelming longing. No, our love had been years in the making; the deep seated, passionate love that grew greater day by day. The kind of love that lasted forever.

I mourned him Mrs Cohen, mourned because he was not here, mourned because this was my fault and mourned because I missed him. The machines were still beeping, and Luke was still here. He was here physically, eyes shut and sleeping. The big question was if he would ever wake up. Love was not enough to sustain him, not enough to bring him back, but I would sit here for as long as it took, until one magical day, when Luke Van Helsing, my hero, woke up.

I had to have faith, but sometimes, staring at the still Luke, I doubted.

_"Love is patient, love is kind.  
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking.  
It is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs.  
Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.  
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  
Love never fails."  
- Corinthians 13:4-8, A book known as the Bible._

Here lies Luke, dead and gone, he could have loved me, but now he's done.


	14. Dare

**14. Dare.  
**  
I had come to the realisation that it was not healthy to sit and think. I had a wild imagination, Mrs Cohen, and it was leading me to places that I did not want to go. I wished everything would be alright. I tossed the coin in the fountain and never turned back. I could only dare to dream.

Trafalgar square was quiet at night. Relatively quiet. It was central London, and in a city that never slept, it was nice to know that there was life out there, to know that there were other things happening, and that I was a small fish in a big city.

I wondered if they knew that the life of their – our – hero hang in the balance. If Luke Van Helsing went, Mrs Cohen, then we'd all be in big trouble. Like, really big trouble. Have you seen those demons? They're not nice. Hell, they're not even nice looking. In a sea of half lives, Lee had been the freak.

I was here, here beside the fountain because I could not go home and endure the sympathetic glances of my parents, and the worried, frantic pacing of my brother. I needed to be somewhere that I did not associate with him, Mrs Cohen, even if that meant I had to forgo Starbucks. I was here, because they'd forced me out, the pair of conniving adults. Galvin and Jenny had said that I needed to get fresh air, needed to do something other than worry. That it was bad for me.

Perhaps it was.

He knew me so well, Mrs Cohen, knew what I felt, what I thought even before I did. He knew how I liked my coffee, my favourite pizza toppings, what I thought about converses. We were undeniable, Mrs Cohen. Despite her never saying it, even Mina had thought so too, and she'd been our greatest doubter.

I was doubting Luke, Mrs Cohen, when I worried that I would never see his blue eyes again. He woke up, Mrs Cohen, woke up when they'd forced me home for sleep and food. I was mad at him, Mrs Cohen, mad that he'd woken up without me and mad that I hadn't been there. See, Mrs Cohen, my timing really does suck. I don't do it on purpose.

I told him off, for waking up in that very small amount of time I'd been absent. He didn't respond, only snored in his sleep. I kissed his hand, Mrs Cohen, holding it between my own. Another snore. I filed this away, in the file labelled 'Embarrassing Luke Moments,' to tease him with later. See, Mrs Cohen, I'm more organised than you think. I file things. Just not my psychology notes.

Anyway, the point was, Mrs Cohen that I was so relieved that he was back. It hadn't crossed my mind that he would actually die – nope, that reality had never hit home, until he actually did die. But, when they'd forced me to leave, it was under the assurance from numerous members of the medical staff that he'd be fine.

And what do you know, he was.

I rushed straight there, as soon as I'd gotten the call from Jenny. It took a long time, too long. "He was asking for you, you know." Galvin was on his way out when he spotted me rushing in.

"Really?" Hope swelled.

"Really." Galvin jerked his head back to the vague direction of Luke's room. "You'd better go."

"Thanks." I headed straight there. I didn't need telling twice.

"Ruby." His eyes were open; looking at me like he couldn't quite believe if was there. "Ruby." He reached out to me. It was a good thing that I had dared to dream, Mrs Cohen. He was here, in the flesh, awake and here. My heart flooded with relief at seeing him awake. It was not the same, Mrs Cohen, having the love of your life in a coma, and here, wanting you, calling you.

I took his hand in mine, kissing his knuckles. He looked so fragile, Mrs Cohen, so fragile that it made my heart ache. I tell you Mrs Cohen, if he were a doggie in a window, you'd be in that shop in a heartbeat, enquiring how much he was.

"Hey." I smiled, just happy that he was awake.

His thumb drew circles on the back of my hand, soothing the happy tears that had sprung to my eyes.

Mrs Cohen, hormones are a damned tricky thing.

"Hey." His eyes creased at eh corners, his finger swiping away the one tear that had leaked free. "No crying. My mum's already done all that."

I laughed through blurry vision. "Shut up." I think I was entitled to tell him that, RMs Cohen, after the emotional rollercoaster he'd put us all on. Even Mina had been visibly shaken, Mrs Cohen, and that hadn't been normal. It'd almost reminded me of the time she'd had issues with her son Quincy.

Luke did not realise how precious he was to us. To me.

But, it looked like it was starting to sink in.

"Hey. Don't cry. It's fine. I'm better now." Better. Until the next demon came along. He seemed to understand my fears. "It's okay. He just caught me off guard. Next time, I'll get him."

"I sort of beat you to it." I confessed.

He smiled, kissing the palm of my hand. "I know. Galvin told me."

"Beaten by a girl." I teased.

"Shut up." After what he'd been to, I think he was entitled to tell me that, Mrs Cohen, so I just smiled.

He looked very young, Ms Cohen, almost like that twelve year old I had once known. I had once wished for his innocence back, for his smile to be unplagued by a deep seated fear of the future. I hated that he'd had to die for me to get my wish.

His smile, pure and bright hurt, because he was lying there, hooked up to all the machines, clear liquid running through tubes to get to his veins. "I'm sorry. About Lee. About this." I could feel the tears, flooding out with the guilt that would awls stay.

"Hey. It's not your fault." Nope, he was right. It was Mina's. "I probably should have been faster." I blamed Mina, he blamed slow reflexes.

"Or Mina probably should never have made that deal in the first place." We did not blame her, I knew because Mina had no control over Vampire Mina. People had off days, Mina had vampire days.

"Probably."

"Definitely."

His hand was still holding mine, his warmth seeping through his palm to mine. "You alright?"

I laughed, despite my tears. "You're the one in the hospital bed. I should be asking that."

"Yeah, but I'm not the one crying."

I wasn't crying, Mrs Cohen. It was an allergic reaction. To air. Yes, that was it, I was allergic to air. "I'm not crying."

He smiled, as if he knew something I didn't. "Don't cry Rubes."

"I'm not! It's just...I'm sorry Luke. You're only here because of Lee, and that's my fault."

His face frowned in confusion. "Haven't we just had this conversation or is the medication getting to me?"

I sniffled. (Allergies again, Mrs Cohen. Damned air was everywhere.) "Point taken." No matter how much Luke thought it wasn't my fault, I would always think it was. I suppose we would be even, now that I'd been almost-killed by one of his workmates, and he'd been killed by one of my exes.

He was getting tired now; the medication did that, the doctors had told me. "Mmm. I'm just going to rest my eyes. Promise you won't leave?"

"Promise." There was a deeper meaning to that. As his soul mate, I knew what it was. I was in no position to promise that I wouldn't, Mrs Cohen, but I would try my damned hardest. I would not get killed because I had promised not to leave him. I just swallowed and smiled, and he smiled back, gently squeezing my hand.

I don't know what happened, Mrs Cohen, but suddenly things were different. I never knew a hug could be so loaded with meaning. I didn't know what it meant, only that it meant something. Something I was missing. My heart thumped, as the realisation came.

Something had changed.

This Luke, the one right here had seen the afterlife and it had shaken him. If he'd been tortured and broody before, Mrs Cohen, then now, he was free. Free to enjoy life and live. It seemed like everything had fallen into place for Luke, Mrs Cohen. When he woke up, he talked animatedly about his plans for the future, what he was going to do, and how we'd go to all these fantastic places, make a homage to the holy Mecca that was the Astoria. It was like the worries before had melted away, been resolved. Luke had his life on track. He had his priorities in order and a clear vision of what he wanted to do and how he would do it. And for that, I was glad.

I just wondered where I fit in.

I didn't have to wait long – a few days after he'd been released from hospital, in fact. He surprised me, Mrs Cohen, surprised me because I'd thought Lee had somehow come back. Half life's – even low level ones like Lee – could be tricky bastards. It wasn't Lee. Thankfully. It was Luke.

With coffee.

And pizza.

I accepted the tokens appreciatively, before he pulled out a box of chocolates from his inside pocket sheepishly. "I ate all the caramel ones. Sorry. I got hungry."

I laughed. "It's okay." I pulled him into my flat, not wanting him to freeze to death on my doorstep, especially not now that he'd come bearing gifts.

Looking back, I should have known. It was not often – only in dire situation – that Luke turned up at my flat with a trio of my weaknesses. But, this night had a different feeling to it.

It was so different, that Luke pulled out a DVD from his other pocket. "Look at what I have."

The Taxi Driver. The ultimate movie. I drooled over the pop culture icon-ness of it.

Luke smiled. "Yeah, I got it for you." I hugged him, very happy. "Although, can you not say the lines with Robert De Niro? It's sort of worrying watching you try to emulate a dude who works in a seedy cinema." Luke was of the impression that I had an unhealthy obsession with this particular movie. He said that while it had been a good movie, he could not watch it every day for a month – the pathology of loneliness of it was a little too depressing. I disagreed. I'd watched it every day for three months, until he'd confiscated it.

I couldn't resist. "You talkin' to me?"

"Oh god!" Old, un-died Luke would have shoved pizza in my face to shut me up, Mrs Cohen, but this Luke did something very different.

He kissed me.

It was a surprise, I won't lie.

I pulled away. "What about can't? Shouldn't?" It was stupid question, Mrs Cohen. But, there couldn't be any doubts. I didn't think my heart could survive that.

"I still shouldn't. I know, I shouldn't. When I died Ruby," I froze. He'd never spoken of this, and I'd never dared ask. "I didn't see my life flashing before my eyes, or a white light, or anything like that. I saw you. I saw you crying, screaming. And that was horrible, more horrible than you could ever know. It was like my heart was being ripped out. That was when I realised. I couldn't leave you behind. I reached out to you Ruby, I called your name and then I came back. I came back home. I'm done with shouldn't and can'ts. I'm done. Just done."

He took a deep breath, and I followed his example. "Life is too short, especially for a smiter. I'm done being selfless. I'm going to be selfish. Just once." He smiled at me.

I felt a thing called hope. "What are you saying?"

"That I love you too Ruby, Ruby, Ruby, Ruby Soho."

Could a heart explode, Mrs Cohen? Because I think mine did, just then. He was smirking knowingly, hovering so close our noses bumped and his fringe tickled my forehead. My hand wound itself around his neck, like it'd done this a thousand times before. Like it belonged there. I played with the edge of his jacket collar. It was a little worn, because of all the rough and tumble smiting he'd done in it, but I knew it was his lucky jacket.

My other hand was resting on his chest; my fingers tracing the wound that I knew lay beneath the t shirt. His breath hitched, and our gaze met.

He'd changed, Mrs Cohen. If I hadn't noticed it before, I would have been blind not to notice it now. His eyes told me everything, and it wasn't just wishful thinking. It was reality, and it was even better. When I was four, all I had ever wanted was for Luke to be my best friend. And now, when I was eighteen, all I wanted was Luke.

I'm happy, delirious, ecstatic, delighted to say that my dream came true, Mrs Cohen. And that, I'm afraid to say, is something no teacher – not even you – could ever teach me.

_"To be your friend was all I ever wanted; to be your lover was all I ever dreamed."  
- Unknown._

_**-do you still love me? :)- **_


	15. Detention

**15. Detention.  
**  
_"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today."  
- James Dean._

Mina and Galvin had little to say about Luke and I. "Don't say I didn't warn you." Mina whispered, a small smile playing on her scarlet woman lips. She was happy for us, but it was bittersweet in the knowledge that it would not last. I was determined to prove her wrong, to prove that her visions of the future were subjective and that they could – would – change.

Galvin only looked at the two of us and scoffed. Age did that to you, made you bitter. Not that you're bitter, Mrs Cohen. Galvin is.

I only looked at Luke and we shared a smile. Nothing much had changed, nothing except the fact that he loved me, and I loved him and that we were a couple in love. Only little things changed, like the fact that he kissed me goodnight and that we said 'I love you's' instead of goodbyes.

Jenny thought we were cute. My brother thought we were barf (and couldn't quite believe a boy like Luke would even consider a girl like me). My parents were neutral.

All was well in Luke and Ruby's world.

Well, almost.

Life isn't perfect, you know Mrs Cohen.

The two guys – my guy and Mina's annoying sidekick – were out smiting, leaving us here to do all the really important work. You should take note of the sarcasm, Mrs Cohen. Love for books is not natural, not even if they'd been around for hundreds of years. Mina clearly disagreed, handling each book with great care.

God, no wonder she didn't have a boyfriend. That and the Vampire issue probably made it a little difficult.

I must make a confession, Mrs Cohen. I underestimated Mina. Just because she was a Vampire that had tried to suck me dry, did not mean that she had not been human once upon a time. She cared about Luke. She'd known him since he was a baby, watched over him, and now he was grown up. I knew it hurt Mina to watch people grow old while she stayed the same. Immortality sucked. That was one thing I was sure of.

The thing about immorality, that really really sucked, in my humble opinion, was the fact that Mina was old. Now, technically, this should have made her wise, but in my opinion, she was just cynical. It was not wisdom she was imparting; it was rain on my parade.

Mina was reading a book on half lives, the one that Luke and Galvin were after. Her finger ran across the page silently, her posture as straight and poised at ever. On the other side of the table, I was slung across two chair, my feet on the table as the updated version of the book she was reading was in my lap. I was taking notes, my glittery spiral pad and biro next to me.

She decided that now was a good time for the conversation that I wished to avoid. It was hard to tell a Vampire to go to hell, Mrs Cohen, especially when Luke quite liked her. Her voice broke the tick-tocking of the grandfather clock in the corner of the room. "There's never been one like you Ruby. Never been a smiter that fell in love with his best friend." Her finger ran across the page, before she stopped and shut it abruptly. "Of course, back in those days, men and women weren't best friends, but still. There has never been a smiter that had a significant other that helped in the way that you help." Score! Acknowledgement for my contribution to demon hunting. I took that as a compliment, Mrs Cohen. "Even if you can hinder at times." Okay, a sort of back handed compliment, but a compliment nonetheless. I was very pleased with the progress, Mrs Cohen. "The point is that we are in new territory here, Ruby. You know, you know about the business, you know about the risks. Jenny didn't know. Galvin's wife didn't know...until the end." She'd died, tortured by a half life, Mrs Cohen. This was going to be a serious grown up conversation.

Reality landed on me like a ton a bricks, slightly deflating my mood. I sat up straight, the book falling with a thud on the floor. My pen rolled somewhere. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that it's not going to be easy. It's not. It's going to be hard. Damn hard. You're going to be up at night, worrying about him. Frequently. He'll disappear for days, and come back, not wanting to talk about it because he doesn't want to worry you and because he wants to keep you safe."

"But I can help him!" My hand knocked the spiral pad off the chair. Oops.

Mina arched an eyebrow. "Ruby. I've seen you with a gun." She just had to bring up my weak points, didn't she Mrs Cohen?

I defended myself. "Well, not everything has to be physical. Vampire woman." Just because I didn't have half blood life running through my veins, did not mean that I was wholly inept at dealing with demons.

"Point taken. You'll help in the stacks, but that's the easy bit Ruby. You know that." I did. "Grading's only the start."

"Well, I've got brains somewhere, I'm sure." Sarcasm. I'd proven my pluck and my mental agility; she had no need to question me.

"Hmmm." Mina had gotten bored of our conversation now, flipping open her book and reading. I took this as a cue to leave, Mrs Cohen, because I could take a hint and know where I was not wanted.

I'd packed up my books and was about to leave, when she called out to me, "Oh and Ruby?" I stood still, the sound of my heels tapping the slate floor now stopping. "Despite that fact that you've both damned yourselves, Galvin and I'll be watching you."

Sort of approval; she'd basically agreed to be my guardian Vampire. I guess that would make Galvin my bodyguard. I could run with that. I smiled. "If you can't tell, I just smiled at you."

She didn't respond, acting like she hadn't heard, but I knew she had. Mina had very good hearing; it was the Vampire in her.

I did not leave paranoid, Mrs Cohen. Mina had not promised to stalk me or anything like that. She'd promised to watch over me, keep me safe. I knew that it was for Luke's sake, more than my own, but it did not matter.

Galvin also added in his two cents the next morning, after I'd had my first cup of coffee of the day. We were in Luke's flat, waiting for Mr Morning himself to rise and shine. Jenny had said he hadn't crawled in until the early hours, and well, Luke was probably feeling the consequences of that today. Galvin was fine; Galvin never slept. He just sipped his coffee carefully and scrutinised me as I made toast to go with my coffee.

"I told you a long time ago that you couldn't smite your way into his heart. I wasn't wrong." Galvin hated being wrong, so I didn't try and wind him up. Besides, he was the Godfather. And he had a gun. A very big gun.

I smirked; a trait I had gotten from hanging around with Luke too much. Not that I was complaining.

"But you weren't right either, were you?"

"Nobody likes a smartass Ruby."

"No one likes a cynic, Galvin." I sang back.

He turned serious. "You can step out, you know. Any time you like. We won't hold it against you."

That was a lie. Luke'd hate me forever, hate himself more for even putting him – us – in that position. "Thanks for the offer, but no thanks."

"Hmm." Galvin approved of me. It was reluctant, I knew, but he'd been keeping his distance recently, keeping his mouth shut and keeping the peace. He wasn't all heartless. Just mostly. I'd garnered some of his respect for semi holding my own, hard work and grit finally paying off in something. Yes, Mrs Cohen, you read right. I do occasionally apply myself.

"Is that approval?" My lips twitched, and then just curved upwards. It was hard to conceal my amusement.

"That's a...gosh, I think I'll let you kids make your own mistakes." Those words did not hurt, Mrs Cohen, because I knew Galvin meant well. Both him and Mina did. Even if they were a bloody pain.

"Mistakes? What kind of mistakes? Ruby, did you put salt in the coffee again?" Luke descended down the stairs, finally dressed. God, you make one little mistake, Mrs Cohen, and you never hear the end of it.

He stopped in front of me, snagging a piece of the toast I'd made for my breakfast. "Hey!"

"Thanks." He kissed my forehead, taking a large bite of the crispy buttered bread.

I snatched it back from him, but he just took the other piece that was on my plate. Grrrr. I let him have it; I was nice like that. "For your information, no I did not put salt in the coffee again."

Galvin laughed, taking a sip of his coffee. "Blergh. Ruby, that reminds me - could you try any harder to make bad coffee?"

A beat passed.

"What?"

Luke laughed – and didn't even bother to disguise it. "Excuse me!" I chased after Galvin. "What exactly is wrong with my coffee?"

"Nothing. If you like tar."

Well, Mrs Cohen, if didn't know what to say except maybe pot calling kettle black.

Luke was no help; he was laughing too hard. Well, that's boyfriends for you, Mrs Cohen. He still found it funny three days later when he arrived to pick me up. He'd dressed rather smartly, Mrs Cohen, to take me on a date. He'd even brought me flowers.

"They're sunflowers." He was a boy, Mrs Cohen. He thought that him knowing the names of flowers impressed me. I smiled. Sunflowers were perfect.

"Aw, thanks Luke." I kissed him and he smiled.

"Well, if that's what if get for sunflowers, I wonder what I get for chocolates."

"My eternal, undying love."

"And here I was thinking I had that already." It was true, Mrs Cohen, but irrelevant.

I punched his shoulder, then rummaged around in my bag for the keys to lock the door behind me. "Don't flatter yourself."

I caught movement in the corner of my eye, of a sleek black limousine parked in the corner, half covered by the tree that was shading it. The window was partially rolled down. I knew that car. Mina had come good on her promise of being my well meaning stalker. We were living in the moment, taking and enjoying one day as it came, but her previous words rang in my ears. "You've both damned yourselves."

If this is being damned, Mrs Cohen, then I do not care. And I don't even care if you give me detention for not handing in this essay.

Okay. Maybe I do care. May the fourteenth is our one month anniversary, Mrs Cohen.

Any other day would be fine.**  
**


End file.
